I thought Channing Frye's beer garden would make his kickball tournament the premiere off-season NBA sporting event, but I was wrong. I underestimated Baron Davis, and I should know better (I love you, Baron).
Channing Frye may have had beer at his tournament, but Baron Davis had Jessica Alba at his.
For those keeping score at home: Deron Williams, Kyle Korver, and Ron Artest play dodgeball, but Channing Frye, Baron Davis, Tayshaun Prince, Matt Barnes, and Jessica Alba play kickball. Just saying.
Showing posts with label baron davis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baron davis. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
2009-10 Team Previews: Los Angeles Clippers
Welcome to another wonderful installment in the web's best NBA team previews. So wonderful that you will be filled with wonder and astonishment and wonderful wonder. To check out all the entries in the series, you can click here.
Today, we will be discussing the Los Angeles Clippers, a team that is best known for being terrible since... well forever, basically. Whether it is some sort of twisted Native American curse or simple ineptitude, these doomed losers deserve a closer look.
Classification
Team With Players That I Like and That I Could Grow To Love
What I Like
This team barely won at all last season. Years of sports movie cliches have conditioned me to look at every chronic loser as a plucky underdog deserving of my support. Basically, the Clippers owe a lot of my sympathy to the Rick Moranis film, Little Giants.
Additionaly, this team has a ton of players that I like or that I at least think are interesting. Beyond merely being interesting, they are talented and deep. Maybe most importantly, they got rid of Zach Randolph. Blake Griffin, as you might have heard, is supposedly, not a bad player, and last year, Eric Gordon was lighting it up in relative anonymity. Both are exciting and skilled players. Chris Kaman is endlessly fascinating to me, if only because his love of firearms and explosives leaves me deeply frightened. And then there is Baron Davis.
I love Baron Davis. He's skilled as all hell, plays with a goofy nonchalance, and still manages to burn people with his speed and talent. His swagger is untouchable, his beard, both gentlemanly and scholarly. On the court, he's a terror and he has the potential to be the best player on the floor on almost any given night. Off the court, he's a free-wheeling goofball who spends his spare time making and producing films. Basically, he's what I would want to be like were I a professional basketball player. Some people criticize Baron Davis for his poor decision-making and laziness, and that just makes me relate to the guy more: I too an often taken to task or my bad personal judgment and laziness! He's just like us, ya'll, inconsequential faults and all.
What I Don't Like
The Clippers losing ways go beyond bad luck. Aside from the addition of Blake Griffin and the subtraction of Zach Randolph (not to undersell this giant upgrade), the roster pretty much stayed the same. These are the same Clippers who spent the past season fighting it out for worst team in the league. How is that possible with so many talented players? Terrible coaching, terrible management, terrible chemistry, and a special case of what must be divine spite. This team must be cursed. There is no other explanation for how so many good players can play so poorly together and lose so many games: intense divine disfavor. The Clippers have drawn the ire of the Old Ones and will continue to pay the penalty until all Clippers fans are driven to insanity in face of the terrible, despairing madness they are forced to watch night in and night out. The Clippers aren't plucky underdogs- they are the cursed scions of some fell and eldritch power.
Mythology
Baron Davis actually does hold the title of Baron in a small section of Flanders. You will notice many of the European players will greet him in a respectful, if somewhat old-fashioned manner. He also, technically, holds the title of Jarl in a region of Sweden near Gothenburg. This mark of honor bestows on him the right to wear a saber denoting his station during NBA games, which he did during a single season at Charlotte. He has since discontinued the practice.
Prophecy
Mike Dunleavy will be driven mad by the unspeakable and terrible truth of the forbidden power of the abominable madness that governs this twisted planet. Baron Davis's fate, for good or for ill, will be tied to the fate of his beard.
Relevant Media
Verdict
Watch them until it's painful. This team has so much potential and is filled with fun and interesting players. Still, they are the Clippers, so bad to mediocre seems so much more likely
Today, we will be discussing the Los Angeles Clippers, a team that is best known for being terrible since... well forever, basically. Whether it is some sort of twisted Native American curse or simple ineptitude, these doomed losers deserve a closer look.
Classification
Team With Players That I Like and That I Could Grow To Love
What I Like
This team barely won at all last season. Years of sports movie cliches have conditioned me to look at every chronic loser as a plucky underdog deserving of my support. Basically, the Clippers owe a lot of my sympathy to the Rick Moranis film, Little Giants.
Additionaly, this team has a ton of players that I like or that I at least think are interesting. Beyond merely being interesting, they are talented and deep. Maybe most importantly, they got rid of Zach Randolph. Blake Griffin, as you might have heard, is supposedly, not a bad player, and last year, Eric Gordon was lighting it up in relative anonymity. Both are exciting and skilled players. Chris Kaman is endlessly fascinating to me, if only because his love of firearms and explosives leaves me deeply frightened. And then there is Baron Davis.
I love Baron Davis. He's skilled as all hell, plays with a goofy nonchalance, and still manages to burn people with his speed and talent. His swagger is untouchable, his beard, both gentlemanly and scholarly. On the court, he's a terror and he has the potential to be the best player on the floor on almost any given night. Off the court, he's a free-wheeling goofball who spends his spare time making and producing films. Basically, he's what I would want to be like were I a professional basketball player. Some people criticize Baron Davis for his poor decision-making and laziness, and that just makes me relate to the guy more: I too an often taken to task or my bad personal judgment and laziness! He's just like us, ya'll, inconsequential faults and all.
What I Don't Like
The Clippers losing ways go beyond bad luck. Aside from the addition of Blake Griffin and the subtraction of Zach Randolph (not to undersell this giant upgrade), the roster pretty much stayed the same. These are the same Clippers who spent the past season fighting it out for worst team in the league. How is that possible with so many talented players? Terrible coaching, terrible management, terrible chemistry, and a special case of what must be divine spite. This team must be cursed. There is no other explanation for how so many good players can play so poorly together and lose so many games: intense divine disfavor. The Clippers have drawn the ire of the Old Ones and will continue to pay the penalty until all Clippers fans are driven to insanity in face of the terrible, despairing madness they are forced to watch night in and night out. The Clippers aren't plucky underdogs- they are the cursed scions of some fell and eldritch power.
Mythology
Baron Davis actually does hold the title of Baron in a small section of Flanders. You will notice many of the European players will greet him in a respectful, if somewhat old-fashioned manner. He also, technically, holds the title of Jarl in a region of Sweden near Gothenburg. This mark of honor bestows on him the right to wear a saber denoting his station during NBA games, which he did during a single season at Charlotte. He has since discontinued the practice.
Prophecy
Mike Dunleavy will be driven mad by the unspeakable and terrible truth of the forbidden power of the abominable madness that governs this twisted planet. Baron Davis's fate, for good or for ill, will be tied to the fate of his beard.
Relevant Media
Verdict
Watch them until it's painful. This team has so much potential and is filled with fun and interesting players. Still, they are the Clippers, so bad to mediocre seems so much more likely
Monday, July 13, 2009
Twitter Wars I Have Known
The most important question of our time is being decided as we speak. A question of great cultural significance and resonating import: Who is more popular on Twitter, Charlie Villanueva or Chris Bosh?
Currently, the two are racing to see who will be the first to have 50,000 followers. Granted, this is a modes goal compared to Shaq's 1.6 million followers, but Shaq, as near as I can tell, is the whole reason that Twitter matters. He's in a class of his own when it comes to channeling his own message, self-mythologizing, and being weird on Twitter (the opposite of Iverson). Indeed, the only reason so many NBA players and people are on Twitter, as near as I can tell, is because Shaq has used it so successfully. Since then, it's been a tidal wave. It's weird if an NBA player isn't on Twitter. Sean May and Nazr Mohammad both have accounts, to give you an example of how widespread the twittering has become. If the bottom of the Bobcats big man rotation are all using Twitter, then you know everyone is using Twitter. Notable exceptions to the rule: Kobe and Lebron don't use Twitter, because well, one's a super controlling sociopath and the other finds Twitter unnecessary due to his mutant abilities which allegedly include, but certainly aren't limited to, mass telepathy (I for one look forward to Lebron broadcasting his message of dominance, support for Cleaveland, and sneaker consumption directly inside my skull). Also, as far as I know, Marvin Williams doesn't have a Twitter, really hurting my theory that he's a huge nerd. Despite this, apparently his booty loves to Twitter. The point being, the NBA loves Twitter.
In my own experience, there are only four types of people on Twitter (really only three if you group the first two under "Nerds"):
1. Tech folks.
2. Media folks.
3. People who just got back from a run.
4. NBA players.
Now, as far as NBA players using Twitter, I love it. It's still one of those things that isn't entirely controlled by publicists yet, so it really is a pretty good way to get direct and unfettered access to the players, coaches, owners, and journalists instantaneous and direct thoughts. Now is the point where I mention that most of this is tedious, banal, and maybe disappointing. However, a healthy portion of it is just weird. I don't know if you know this, but NBA players are some of the most deeply bizarre, weird, funny, and personable yet crazy people on the planet. Letting them channel their thoughts directly to the masses is just completely fascinating. And it comes in all flavors: Check out some of the Baseline's round-ups of best tweets from around the league for a fine sampling of the many delights of the NBA tweet. You won't be disappointed. Maybe you'll even see the melancholy desperation of a borderline, undrafted player from Virginia Tech. Maybe.
Now back to the question at hand: Charile Villanueva or Chris Bosh? Both of them have some serious Twitter skills, and both excel at the medium and seem to genuinely enjoy it. On his side, Charlie Villanueva had one of the more famous tweets when he managed to send an update during half-time of a game he was playing in, drawing the ire of his coach, amongst others. Also, I particularly enjoyed Charlie's blatant lobbying on Twitter to go play with Lebron. Dude's also got a pretty nice game and alopecia. Points all round.
Chris Bosh on the other hand is just awesome. He's a very smart and funny guy with interesting things to say. He's a good sport and seems really nice. He's also a helluva baller, an All-Star and easily considered the third best prize of the epic Class of 2010 behind Flash and the Chosen One. He is also pretty damn weird and maybe the best in the whole NBA at using social media. Why do I say this you ask? Behold!
That's right, he made a weird youtube video framed as a shitty local TV ad to try to get voted into the All-Star game. It worked. Do you not love this man, yet? What if I told you he made a faux-martial arts movie to make fun of Baron Davis for a YouTube showdown they were having?
You have to vote for Chris Bosh. Follow him on Twitter. Check out his other YouTube videos. The man is too wonderfully weird to not reward him and his embrace of social media has made it really fun to be a fan. That should always be rewarded. Sure CV has no hair, but alopecia can't always be the trump card.
Final note: Baron Davis doing strange things in YouTube videos is practically a genre onto itself. I love Baron and it's only a matter of time before I feel compelled to talk more about him. Until then, one of the finest examples of the genre, courtesy of Chris Bosh TV:
NOTE: I'm on Twitter too: www.twitter.com/kellenlc.
ALSO: Fresh on Shaq's Twitter, more proof that he is the most Wu Tang.
Currently, the two are racing to see who will be the first to have 50,000 followers. Granted, this is a modes goal compared to Shaq's 1.6 million followers, but Shaq, as near as I can tell, is the whole reason that Twitter matters. He's in a class of his own when it comes to channeling his own message, self-mythologizing, and being weird on Twitter (the opposite of Iverson). Indeed, the only reason so many NBA players and people are on Twitter, as near as I can tell, is because Shaq has used it so successfully. Since then, it's been a tidal wave. It's weird if an NBA player isn't on Twitter. Sean May and Nazr Mohammad both have accounts, to give you an example of how widespread the twittering has become. If the bottom of the Bobcats big man rotation are all using Twitter, then you know everyone is using Twitter. Notable exceptions to the rule: Kobe and Lebron don't use Twitter, because well, one's a super controlling sociopath and the other finds Twitter unnecessary due to his mutant abilities which allegedly include, but certainly aren't limited to, mass telepathy (I for one look forward to Lebron broadcasting his message of dominance, support for Cleaveland, and sneaker consumption directly inside my skull). Also, as far as I know, Marvin Williams doesn't have a Twitter, really hurting my theory that he's a huge nerd. Despite this, apparently his booty loves to Twitter. The point being, the NBA loves Twitter.
In my own experience, there are only four types of people on Twitter (really only three if you group the first two under "Nerds"):
1. Tech folks.
2. Media folks.
3. People who just got back from a run.
4. NBA players.
Now, as far as NBA players using Twitter, I love it. It's still one of those things that isn't entirely controlled by publicists yet, so it really is a pretty good way to get direct and unfettered access to the players, coaches, owners, and journalists instantaneous and direct thoughts. Now is the point where I mention that most of this is tedious, banal, and maybe disappointing. However, a healthy portion of it is just weird. I don't know if you know this, but NBA players are some of the most deeply bizarre, weird, funny, and personable yet crazy people on the planet. Letting them channel their thoughts directly to the masses is just completely fascinating. And it comes in all flavors: Check out some of the Baseline's round-ups of best tweets from around the league for a fine sampling of the many delights of the NBA tweet. You won't be disappointed. Maybe you'll even see the melancholy desperation of a borderline, undrafted player from Virginia Tech. Maybe.
Now back to the question at hand: Charile Villanueva or Chris Bosh? Both of them have some serious Twitter skills, and both excel at the medium and seem to genuinely enjoy it. On his side, Charlie Villanueva had one of the more famous tweets when he managed to send an update during half-time of a game he was playing in, drawing the ire of his coach, amongst others. Also, I particularly enjoyed Charlie's blatant lobbying on Twitter to go play with Lebron. Dude's also got a pretty nice game and alopecia. Points all round.
Chris Bosh on the other hand is just awesome. He's a very smart and funny guy with interesting things to say. He's a good sport and seems really nice. He's also a helluva baller, an All-Star and easily considered the third best prize of the epic Class of 2010 behind Flash and the Chosen One. He is also pretty damn weird and maybe the best in the whole NBA at using social media. Why do I say this you ask? Behold!
That's right, he made a weird youtube video framed as a shitty local TV ad to try to get voted into the All-Star game. It worked. Do you not love this man, yet? What if I told you he made a faux-martial arts movie to make fun of Baron Davis for a YouTube showdown they were having?
You have to vote for Chris Bosh. Follow him on Twitter. Check out his other YouTube videos. The man is too wonderfully weird to not reward him and his embrace of social media has made it really fun to be a fan. That should always be rewarded. Sure CV has no hair, but alopecia can't always be the trump card.
Final note: Baron Davis doing strange things in YouTube videos is practically a genre onto itself. I love Baron and it's only a matter of time before I feel compelled to talk more about him. Until then, one of the finest examples of the genre, courtesy of Chris Bosh TV:
NOTE: I'm on Twitter too: www.twitter.com/kellenlc.
ALSO: Fresh on Shaq's Twitter, more proof that he is the most Wu Tang.
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