It's time for the Love in the Time of LeBron 2010 Season Team Previews. You know how we do. Next up, the pride of Mecklenburg County, the Charlotte Mikecats.
Classification
Odd Team That You Should Check In On
Why We Care
The Bobcats have assembled a fine collection of extraordinary athletes and reclamation projects, with Gerald Wallace and Tyrus Thomas leading Camp A, and Shaun Livingston, Darius Miles, Javaris Crittenton and Kwame Brown leading Camp B. This is a gutsy team. They try hard, they play tough, and they struggle to score. You should watch them because their mediocrity is more about being on the fringe than being on the margins.
Significant Beards
D.J. Augustin: "My jaw is so rugged that it casts a hair shadow.”
Derrick Brown: Sculpted, but looks like a puddle. Failure.
Kwame Brown: Unambitious, hiding a double chin. D.
Sherron Collins: Another Shadow Beard. Sloppy and big.
Javaris Crittenton: Pubescently thin. Time to shave.
Boris Diaw: Kind of pubic. C-
Gerald Henderson: Too narrow. Some sort of food stain.
Shaun Livingston: Baby’s first goatee. Half cup of cheerios.
Dominic McGuire: Thin but competent. A book of contemporary poetry.
Darius Miles: Uneven but ambitious. Oliver Stone.
Thomas Tyrus: Under-chin fuzz, possibly intentional. Two thumbs down.
Gerald Wallace: Unremarkable goatee. After the curve, B+.
Guiding Text
Tender Buttons
If They Were A Board Game They Would Be
Chinese checkers.
LeBron on the Bobcats
“First, acknowledge that essentially a rebound and a block are the same thing: a well-timed leap. Now, reduce the leap to a simple taxonomy: successful and unsuccessful. Once you have done that, the key to success is to internalize and accept a number of principles. First, a failure to leap successfully is an instantaneous death. Second, the success of your leap is tied to the spin value of a random proton. Internalize that and make it your reality. Once it happens, you can never fail. Because your consciousness will abruptly cease in any world where you fail, from your point of view, in the world you inhabit it, you will never witness yourself fail. Quantum immortality.”
“But, Gerald, this means that in most of the relevant worlds, everyone sees you die when you fail. In most of these worlds people just see you die. What’s the point if you fail most of the time?”
“Does a world where you have no conscious presence even count as a world? I can only experience the worlds where I succeed. The others, simply don’t exist for me. You can’t be troubled by all possible worlds.For years I was concerned about such things, but it was meaningless without consciousness. That is how I block. That is how I rebound. That is how I built the pyramids. They did not build themselves.”
Rosetta Stone
This pretty much explains it.
Showing posts with label bobcats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bobcats. Show all posts
Friday, October 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The Case For And Against the Charlotte Bobcats
The Charlotte Bobcats are possibly the weirdest team in the NBA. They are, certainly, the weirdest team in the playoffs. Watching them play isn't particularly joyful: They win by being tough, shutting teams down on defense, and frankly, not giving a fuck. Actually, let me parse that better. In some sense, the Warriors, Wizards, and, about once in every two to five quarters, the Nuggets don't give a fuck. In this sense, I mean that these teams are apathetic about winning, trying hard, or really anything other than getting paid at the end of the day. That's not the case with the Bobcats: they really care about the way they play, their effort on either end, and all that business. When I say they don't give a fuck, I mean they don't give a fuck about you. The Bobcats don't play for the benefit of their fans. They are indifferent to their following, small though it may be. They don't play to the cameras. They wouldn't care if the games were played in empty gyms. And, to be truthful, that's basically what they did more than a few times at home. Did you see Gerald Wallace at the dunk contest this year? I don't think he actually rolled his eyes, but that was the gist of his performance. The Bobcats just don't give a fuck who you are. They are going to play their game, and often win. Dwight Howard? Whatever, we are going at them. Lebron James? Beat him three out of four times anyway, so what of it? It's not clear if the Bobcats even care about winning any games in the playoffs; you get the impression that they wouldn't hate it, but that they aren't going to try to prove themselves or make a statement or make any of the other desperate-seeming gestures that other new-to-the-playoffs-teams, like the Thunder, have embraced.
The Bobcats are just too freaky to bother with that bullshit. I was going to write a breakdown about how all the pieces of the Bobcats came together and how this team of cast-offs, under-appreciated gems, malcontents, and spare parts reached the play-offs. However, Shoals and Ziller did a better job of this than I would have anyway, so I suggest you read that.
All that said, there is a fairly compelling case for wholeheartedly rejecting the Bobcats:
Monday, August 3, 2009
Tuesday Odds and Ends: Now What? Edition
I think this pretty much will reveal that I'm doing too much reading and not enough writing. In today's gripping installment of Odds and Ends we bring you the following topics: Network theory, dishes made from Krispy Kreme, domain name hustling, Legos and then you know some stuff actually about basketball and Love in the Time of Lebron heroes.
Chris Paul's Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding
Chris Paul is the best point guard on the planet right now. This is indisputable. When all is said and done, he may go down as the best point guard to ever play. His favorite dish contains 24 Krispy Kreme donuts and 15,000 calories. The recipe and story are here. Suck it, Michael Phelps.
Mark Madsen Used to Own menstrualperiods.ca
In the "No, Really" department, former Timberwolf and current Clipper Mark Madsen is a key player in the first arrest for domain name theft. Basically, Mark Madsen paid about $100,000 to buy P2P.com, which allegedly had been stolen from some other guy. Why is Mark Madsen buying domain names? Because this is what he does. He buys and sells domain names. Seriously, this is his hobby. Highlights: schooners.ca and, yes, menstrualperiods.ca.
How Network Theory Explains the Ewing Theory
There is sports writer you may know about. His name is Bill Simmons. He has an idea, called the Ewing Theory. Basically, the Ewing Theory says that under certain circumstances a team will play much better without their star player. Why does this happen? Really interesting article that manages to incorporate network theory, the price of anarchy, the Nash Equilibrium, and shit-talking about my beloved Allen Iverson. Read it here. Fact of the Day: Nash Equilibrium not named after Steve Nash's work in the field of game theory.
Followups
Starbury is put into context be new favorite John Krolik here. It's the long-form contextual article that I wanted all along. Also, Shoals.
Haven't read enough about the Okafor for Chandler trade yet? Good. Here are some attempts to justify the trade for Charlotte: Basketball Prospectus says, "Look at the numbers: I think Charlotte actually won this one." Bobcats Planet says, "If you spin around three times and squint you can sort of see why this trade makes sense!"
Soooo, can the Bobcats sign AI now? Bobcats Baseline throws out some hypotheticals here, but doesn't really give enough credence to a Felton and Iverson backcourt. Barkley's Mouth is incredulous that AI doesn't have a deal yet.
Dream boy, Tyler Hansbrough aggravated an old injury. He will now have more time to visit all the women of Chapel Hill's dreams so they can dream about feeling awkward and ambivalent about dating such a bizarre angry manchild.
Nerdy starter Marvin Williams re-signed with the Hawks after an awkward free-agency period. His deal includes all the season of the X-Files on DVD as well as the entire series run of The Lone Gunmen.
BONUS: Here are 100 awesome dunks from last season. This is the only link you will click.
DOUBLE BONUS: Here is a blog filled with pictures of Lego-based Allen Iverson dioramas. This is only link you need to click.
Chris Paul's Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding
Chris Paul is the best point guard on the planet right now. This is indisputable. When all is said and done, he may go down as the best point guard to ever play. His favorite dish contains 24 Krispy Kreme donuts and 15,000 calories. The recipe and story are here. Suck it, Michael Phelps.
Mark Madsen Used to Own menstrualperiods.ca
In the "No, Really" department, former Timberwolf and current Clipper Mark Madsen is a key player in the first arrest for domain name theft. Basically, Mark Madsen paid about $100,000 to buy P2P.com, which allegedly had been stolen from some other guy. Why is Mark Madsen buying domain names? Because this is what he does. He buys and sells domain names. Seriously, this is his hobby. Highlights: schooners.ca and, yes, menstrualperiods.ca.
How Network Theory Explains the Ewing Theory
There is sports writer you may know about. His name is Bill Simmons. He has an idea, called the Ewing Theory. Basically, the Ewing Theory says that under certain circumstances a team will play much better without their star player. Why does this happen? Really interesting article that manages to incorporate network theory, the price of anarchy, the Nash Equilibrium, and shit-talking about my beloved Allen Iverson. Read it here. Fact of the Day: Nash Equilibrium not named after Steve Nash's work in the field of game theory.
Followups
Starbury is put into context be new favorite John Krolik here. It's the long-form contextual article that I wanted all along. Also, Shoals.
Haven't read enough about the Okafor for Chandler trade yet? Good. Here are some attempts to justify the trade for Charlotte: Basketball Prospectus says, "Look at the numbers: I think Charlotte actually won this one." Bobcats Planet says, "If you spin around three times and squint you can sort of see why this trade makes sense!"
Soooo, can the Bobcats sign AI now? Bobcats Baseline throws out some hypotheticals here, but doesn't really give enough credence to a Felton and Iverson backcourt. Barkley's Mouth is incredulous that AI doesn't have a deal yet.
Dream boy, Tyler Hansbrough aggravated an old injury. He will now have more time to visit all the women of Chapel Hill's dreams so they can dream about feeling awkward and ambivalent about dating such a bizarre angry manchild.
Nerdy starter Marvin Williams re-signed with the Hawks after an awkward free-agency period. His deal includes all the season of the X-Files on DVD as well as the entire series run of The Lone Gunmen.
BONUS: Here are 100 awesome dunks from last season. This is the only link you will click.
DOUBLE BONUS: Here is a blog filled with pictures of Lego-based Allen Iverson dioramas. This is only link you need to click.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday Odds and Ends: Okafor Edition
Emeka Okafor for Tyson Chandler
Be careful what you wish for. Yesterday, bewildered by the Charlotte Bobcat's lack of moves, I laid out a series of suggestions. Notably I said: "Try to trade for a unicorn. It makes about as much sense as anything else right now." Apparently the Bobcats took my advice to heart, though apparently couldn't find a unicorn to trade for. So, logically, they decided to trade Emeka Okafor for Tyson Chandler.
I'll be blunt: I ain't crazy about the trade. I'll link to the different writers/blogs breaking down the trade, but let me give you my take first. Emeka Okafor's reliable and consistent performance in terms of scoring and rebounding were a real asset to the team. By almost all statistical measures, Tyson Chandler is a worse basketball player who is paid more than Okafor and is more prone to injury. That said, some of the defensive statistics (links below) point out that Chandler is a great defensive center. Caveat: Charlotte Bobcats are already a great defensive team that has trouble scoring and this move seems to exacerbate this issue. Finally, Emeka Okafor had a ridiculously long contract that was considered somewhat immovable. Chandler has a shorter contract that will expire sooner and will be easier to trade. So, long story short: Probably not a great move, but there are potential upsides. For some more fine-grained analysis (including all the stats breakdowns you could ever want) here's what other people are saying:
Queen City Hoops
Bobcats Planet
Bobcats Baseline
Hornets247
John Hollinger
Again, generally impressed by the speed of the analysis by the NBA blogging community, particularly the Charlotte folks. Speaking of which...
Shaq Does Wrestling and Cavs the Blog
For a great instant response to Shaq's appearance Monday Night Raw, I refer you John Krolik's Cavs the Blog which breaks the matter down as well as I think anyone can. The article is here. Now is a good time to point out that this is a great blog that all NBA fans should be reading. Smart, funny stuff. I'm recently pretty fond of a piece he wrote that has a nice little riff on GM psychology. Anyway, as Shaq is one of my favorite topics on this blog, and Shaq is now on the Cavs, expect more talking about and linking to Cavs the Blog.
Odds and Ends: EVEN QUICKER
1. Does being Wu-Tang even mean anything anymore? I was able to overlook Method Man's acting career and all the merchandising, but RZA's turn as Seth Rogen's coworker in Funny People is really killing the mystique for me. Maybe more on this later if I don't get Shaqed out.
2. The Blowtorch says everything that needs to be said about Andre Miller.
3.Hey ya'll get that I like Free Darko right? Good stuff lately on other Love in the Time of Lebron icon, Allen Iverson and issues of authenticity. Also, this weekend there was a nice wide-ranging article about Allen Iverson and the Marburython amongst other things.
4. Finally, it bears mentioning that this Monday morning I was expecting to see some big ol write-ups and highlights of the Marburython, but no one has done a full and thorough job yet. I am eagerly awaiting someone to compile all the highlights and to interview some psychologists to let us know what the Hell is going on. The whole thing smacks of tragedy and probably imperils the chances that teams will want to sign Marbury, but I find myself liking the guy more and more. I'm still trying to navigate the territory of whether this makes me a sicko using a genuinely mentally ill person for my own personal entertainment or an eager spectator watching a mildly unhinged weirdo hamming it up in front of a camera. As smarter people than me have noted, the Free Darko post about Marbury and Tracy Morgan/Jordan is seeming more and more prescient and is, right now, still the best thing written about the Marburython despite not actually being about it.
5. That last one wasn't so quick. Whatever.
Be careful what you wish for. Yesterday, bewildered by the Charlotte Bobcat's lack of moves, I laid out a series of suggestions. Notably I said: "Try to trade for a unicorn. It makes about as much sense as anything else right now." Apparently the Bobcats took my advice to heart, though apparently couldn't find a unicorn to trade for. So, logically, they decided to trade Emeka Okafor for Tyson Chandler.
I'll be blunt: I ain't crazy about the trade. I'll link to the different writers/blogs breaking down the trade, but let me give you my take first. Emeka Okafor's reliable and consistent performance in terms of scoring and rebounding were a real asset to the team. By almost all statistical measures, Tyson Chandler is a worse basketball player who is paid more than Okafor and is more prone to injury. That said, some of the defensive statistics (links below) point out that Chandler is a great defensive center. Caveat: Charlotte Bobcats are already a great defensive team that has trouble scoring and this move seems to exacerbate this issue. Finally, Emeka Okafor had a ridiculously long contract that was considered somewhat immovable. Chandler has a shorter contract that will expire sooner and will be easier to trade. So, long story short: Probably not a great move, but there are potential upsides. For some more fine-grained analysis (including all the stats breakdowns you could ever want) here's what other people are saying:
Queen City Hoops
Bobcats Planet
Bobcats Baseline
Hornets247
John Hollinger
Again, generally impressed by the speed of the analysis by the NBA blogging community, particularly the Charlotte folks. Speaking of which...
Shaq Does Wrestling and Cavs the Blog
For a great instant response to Shaq's appearance Monday Night Raw, I refer you John Krolik's Cavs the Blog which breaks the matter down as well as I think anyone can. The article is here. Now is a good time to point out that this is a great blog that all NBA fans should be reading. Smart, funny stuff. I'm recently pretty fond of a piece he wrote that has a nice little riff on GM psychology. Anyway, as Shaq is one of my favorite topics on this blog, and Shaq is now on the Cavs, expect more talking about and linking to Cavs the Blog.
Odds and Ends: EVEN QUICKER
1. Does being Wu-Tang even mean anything anymore? I was able to overlook Method Man's acting career and all the merchandising, but RZA's turn as Seth Rogen's coworker in Funny People is really killing the mystique for me. Maybe more on this later if I don't get Shaqed out.
2. The Blowtorch says everything that needs to be said about Andre Miller.
3.Hey ya'll get that I like Free Darko right? Good stuff lately on other Love in the Time of Lebron icon, Allen Iverson and issues of authenticity. Also, this weekend there was a nice wide-ranging article about Allen Iverson and the Marburython amongst other things.
4. Finally, it bears mentioning that this Monday morning I was expecting to see some big ol write-ups and highlights of the Marburython, but no one has done a full and thorough job yet. I am eagerly awaiting someone to compile all the highlights and to interview some psychologists to let us know what the Hell is going on. The whole thing smacks of tragedy and probably imperils the chances that teams will want to sign Marbury, but I find myself liking the guy more and more. I'm still trying to navigate the territory of whether this makes me a sicko using a genuinely mentally ill person for my own personal entertainment or an eager spectator watching a mildly unhinged weirdo hamming it up in front of a camera. As smarter people than me have noted, the Free Darko post about Marbury and Tracy Morgan/Jordan is seeming more and more prescient and is, right now, still the best thing written about the Marburython despite not actually being about it.
5. That last one wasn't so quick. Whatever.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Suggestions for the Charlotte Bobcats
There are a surprisingly large number of things that I could be blogging about right now, notably linking to a number of great articles written elsewhere about things I've been talking about lately. Finally, there is a great big post about Stephon Marbury's live streaming wonderland of awesomeness that happened this weekend that has yet to be written by me. Don't you worry though, I'm sure that come Monday morning there will be thousands of takes by all your favorite writers/bloggers about the genius/madness of the streamathon. For now, I leave you only one quotation "I don't want to be anyone's favorite player. I want to be their favorite person."
But, now the topic at hand: the Charlotte Bobcats. Due to geography, His Airness, and my perverse respect for this weirdo, gritty team, I feel some loyalty to the 'Cats which means that they are going to get a little bit extra attention. I feel loyalty to this ridiculous team and share the concern of other fans and bloggers: Are the Bobcats going to do anything this off-season?
Here's the situation in brief for those unfamiliar with the Bobcats: The Bobcats are marginal playoff team in the East that really started clicking in the last half of the season after a series of trades brought in some distinguished role players who really nicely complemented the Bobcats' core. However, as it stands, the Bobcats right now are an elite defensive team stocked with skilled, though not electrifying role players. They don't have a top scorer, much depth, or even really a star. Clearly, this is a team that could benefit from signing a free agent or three or making some trades. Yet, the Bobcats do nothing. Why? No one knows. Maybe it's because they don't know what to do. So, with that in mind, I've prepared a list of off-season moves that might potentially help the Bobcats.
1. Re-sign Ray Felton. Currently, the Bobcats starting point guard from last year hasn't re-upped in Charlotte. This is stupid. Felton is a skilled and competent NBA point guard who isn't in much demand anywhere else. Stop dicking around and do the right thing, folks. Or get Ramon Sessions. Whatever.
2. Get Gerald Wallace to work in a laboratory. Gerald Wallace is the most likely of the Bobcats to have a break-out, supernova year where he evolves into the scoring star that the Bobcats need. However, at this point, "most likely" is still "not that likely." He needs a catalyst. A basic survey of comic books seems to indicate that working in a laboratory would greatly increase his chance to develop or refine the powers needed for a break-through year. Laboratories have all sorts of hazards that could potentially increase Gerald Wallace's powers, namely high levels of radiation. Whether we are talking gamma rays ala the Hulk, radioactive spiders ala Spiderman, or the intrinsic field generator ala Dr. Manhattan, the bizarre energy in laboratories is a good bet for catalyzing a transformation into an All-Star performer. Likewise, the dangerous chemicals that are to be found in every single laboratory have a fairly decent chance of enacting a Swamp Thing or the Flash type situation.
3. Sign or trade for some quality depth in the front court. We are mighty thin up there after the so sad departure of Sean May, Cartier Martin, and probably Juwan Howard and the general worthlessness of Nazr Mohammed, DeSagana Diop, and Vladimir Radmanovic. Diop and Radmanovic aren't very good players, but maybe some cracked out stats guy who forgot to carry the one when he was doing his calculations will convince his GM to make a stupid deal for them. This is the best we can hope for, because somehow Charlotte has managed to acquire a far too significant chunk of overpaid backup centers and forwards in the league. These are the guys who are killing Charlotte's salary cap. Seriously, players who are just as good as these players can and should be grabbed for minimum contracts. No matter what, we need to get these guys out of here. Which brings us to the next suggestion:
4. Hire Indonesian pirates to kidnap and ransom Radmanovic, Diop, and Mohammed. Upon their rescue, bribe them to tell their psychiatrist that the flashbacks from the pirate attack are so severe they can't play anymore. Hopefully, this will get them out of their contracts. If that doesn't work, the three should take turns shooting each others toes off with a sawed off shotgun so they won't be able to pass the NBA physical.
5. Sign the perfect fit scoring guard free-agent who has not missed an All-Star Game this decade, who is a sure fire Hall of Famer. who adores your head coach, and is willing to sign for so cheap it's ridiculous. Or wait, does that make too much sense?
6. Pay agents to systematically engage in a campaign of terror in the arenas of all the other teams in the NBA. Have them make bomb threats, send fake anthrax, and make fake viral videos and blogs to smear other teams successful players. Try to steal and hijack NBA-licensed merchandise and rob NBA apparel stores. If we sabotage the revenue stream of the entire NBA and will result in a lowered salary cap (since calculated as a percentage of all NBA revenue) which will result in more available free agents for the Bobcats or at least more money from teams above the cap thanks to the NBA luxury tax.
7. Try to trade for a unicorn. It makes about as much sense as anything else right now.
But, now the topic at hand: the Charlotte Bobcats. Due to geography, His Airness, and my perverse respect for this weirdo, gritty team, I feel some loyalty to the 'Cats which means that they are going to get a little bit extra attention. I feel loyalty to this ridiculous team and share the concern of other fans and bloggers: Are the Bobcats going to do anything this off-season?
Here's the situation in brief for those unfamiliar with the Bobcats: The Bobcats are marginal playoff team in the East that really started clicking in the last half of the season after a series of trades brought in some distinguished role players who really nicely complemented the Bobcats' core. However, as it stands, the Bobcats right now are an elite defensive team stocked with skilled, though not electrifying role players. They don't have a top scorer, much depth, or even really a star. Clearly, this is a team that could benefit from signing a free agent or three or making some trades. Yet, the Bobcats do nothing. Why? No one knows. Maybe it's because they don't know what to do. So, with that in mind, I've prepared a list of off-season moves that might potentially help the Bobcats.
1. Re-sign Ray Felton. Currently, the Bobcats starting point guard from last year hasn't re-upped in Charlotte. This is stupid. Felton is a skilled and competent NBA point guard who isn't in much demand anywhere else. Stop dicking around and do the right thing, folks. Or get Ramon Sessions. Whatever.
2. Get Gerald Wallace to work in a laboratory. Gerald Wallace is the most likely of the Bobcats to have a break-out, supernova year where he evolves into the scoring star that the Bobcats need. However, at this point, "most likely" is still "not that likely." He needs a catalyst. A basic survey of comic books seems to indicate that working in a laboratory would greatly increase his chance to develop or refine the powers needed for a break-through year. Laboratories have all sorts of hazards that could potentially increase Gerald Wallace's powers, namely high levels of radiation. Whether we are talking gamma rays ala the Hulk, radioactive spiders ala Spiderman, or the intrinsic field generator ala Dr. Manhattan, the bizarre energy in laboratories is a good bet for catalyzing a transformation into an All-Star performer. Likewise, the dangerous chemicals that are to be found in every single laboratory have a fairly decent chance of enacting a Swamp Thing or the Flash type situation.
3. Sign or trade for some quality depth in the front court. We are mighty thin up there after the so sad departure of Sean May, Cartier Martin, and probably Juwan Howard and the general worthlessness of Nazr Mohammed, DeSagana Diop, and Vladimir Radmanovic. Diop and Radmanovic aren't very good players, but maybe some cracked out stats guy who forgot to carry the one when he was doing his calculations will convince his GM to make a stupid deal for them. This is the best we can hope for, because somehow Charlotte has managed to acquire a far too significant chunk of overpaid backup centers and forwards in the league. These are the guys who are killing Charlotte's salary cap. Seriously, players who are just as good as these players can and should be grabbed for minimum contracts. No matter what, we need to get these guys out of here. Which brings us to the next suggestion:
4. Hire Indonesian pirates to kidnap and ransom Radmanovic, Diop, and Mohammed. Upon their rescue, bribe them to tell their psychiatrist that the flashbacks from the pirate attack are so severe they can't play anymore. Hopefully, this will get them out of their contracts. If that doesn't work, the three should take turns shooting each others toes off with a sawed off shotgun so they won't be able to pass the NBA physical.
5. Sign the perfect fit scoring guard free-agent who has not missed an All-Star Game this decade, who is a sure fire Hall of Famer. who adores your head coach, and is willing to sign for so cheap it's ridiculous. Or wait, does that make too much sense?
6. Pay agents to systematically engage in a campaign of terror in the arenas of all the other teams in the NBA. Have them make bomb threats, send fake anthrax, and make fake viral videos and blogs to smear other teams successful players. Try to steal and hijack NBA-licensed merchandise and rob NBA apparel stores. If we sabotage the revenue stream of the entire NBA and will result in a lowered salary cap (since calculated as a percentage of all NBA revenue) which will result in more available free agents for the Bobcats or at least more money from teams above the cap thanks to the NBA luxury tax.
7. Try to trade for a unicorn. It makes about as much sense as anything else right now.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Thursday Odds and Ends
Hypothetical Bobcats and Bobcat Hypotheticals
It's been a quiet season for the Charlotte Bobcats as they have yet to make any move aside from not extending a qualifying offer to Sean May. Charlotte needs scoring, a guy who can take over games, and someone who will help them sell tickets. Yet, all has grown quiet on the AI front, when all I want in my heart of hearts is for The Answer to come to Charlotte. Why is this? Is Charlotte really standing pat? The best answer I have seems to be that Charlotte isn't going to make any moves until they have secured a deal with Ray Felton. Inexplicably, this is, apparently far off, despite Felton wanting to play in Charlotte and Charlotte wanting Felton to play there. FIGURE OUT THE MONEY SO WE CAN GET AI.
That said, maybe Charlotte, like our esteemed friends at Queen City Hoops, has realized what a good team they have on their hands. If you project Charlotte's performance at the end of the season, after all their trades, across the whole season, Charlotte would have been the best defensive team in the league. Nice. They still would be sub par offensively, but there's still time to get a relentlessly amazing future Hall of Fame scoring guard. I mean, if that's what you think would help.
Note: Hypothetical Cats sounds like a super twee indie rock band.
The Answer
Iverson to Miami or Memphis doesn't make any sense to me. Both are totally stupid. Now imagine AI to the Clippers: Baron Davis, Allen Iverson, Blake Griffin, Marcus Camby, Chris Kaman, and Eric Gordon. That's got to be at least thirty wins right? Wrong. They will have fifteen wins or fifty-five. It's so stupid it might work.
Again, Iverson to the Bobcats makes way too much sense to be plausible. The NBA follows the rules of comic book and movie logic. Which is to say that there is a low premium on plausibility and you know, making a damn bit of sense.
Good Job, Chris Bosh
All hail the anointed Twitter Champion, Chris Bosh. Oddly, he doesn't thank me for my endorsement, which I am sure pushed him over the top.
UNC Guys in Summer League
One line summaries for the four 2009 Draft picks:
Tyler Hansbrough was way better than expected and one of the best players in Orlando.
Wayne Ellington and Danny Green have been the leading scorers on their team in at least one game and almost completely disappeared in another.
Ty Lawson has played in two games and made only one of fifteen field goal attempts, but the one that went in was such a sweet dunk that David Thorpe tweeted about it. So, yeah.
Of course, if Vegas Summer League action isn't enough and you want to watch a bizarro summer league where Flip Saunders, Sean May, and my nerdy hero Marvin Williams with the help of about half of UNC's incoming freshmen team square off against other pro's, college players, and a few high schoolers and other assorted weirdos, then allow me to introduce you to the NC Pro-Am Summer League. Billing itself as the Rucker's of the South, you can watch a truly bizarre collection of players from mostly around North Carolina go at it in a gym on the North Carolina Central campus. Seriously.
Mercuriality Update
For the many amongst you who are keeping track of which players are the most mercurial, as I know so many of you are wont to do, allow me to submit another name that should have been obvious: J.R. Smith. Mercuriality of 384. Well-done. That's good for a starting spot at shooting guard on the Love In the Time of Lebron All-Mercurial Team. Again, for those of you who keep track of such things.
It's been a quiet season for the Charlotte Bobcats as they have yet to make any move aside from not extending a qualifying offer to Sean May. Charlotte needs scoring, a guy who can take over games, and someone who will help them sell tickets. Yet, all has grown quiet on the AI front, when all I want in my heart of hearts is for The Answer to come to Charlotte. Why is this? Is Charlotte really standing pat? The best answer I have seems to be that Charlotte isn't going to make any moves until they have secured a deal with Ray Felton. Inexplicably, this is, apparently far off, despite Felton wanting to play in Charlotte and Charlotte wanting Felton to play there. FIGURE OUT THE MONEY SO WE CAN GET AI.
That said, maybe Charlotte, like our esteemed friends at Queen City Hoops, has realized what a good team they have on their hands. If you project Charlotte's performance at the end of the season, after all their trades, across the whole season, Charlotte would have been the best defensive team in the league. Nice. They still would be sub par offensively, but there's still time to get a relentlessly amazing future Hall of Fame scoring guard. I mean, if that's what you think would help.
Note: Hypothetical Cats sounds like a super twee indie rock band.
The Answer
Iverson to Miami or Memphis doesn't make any sense to me. Both are totally stupid. Now imagine AI to the Clippers: Baron Davis, Allen Iverson, Blake Griffin, Marcus Camby, Chris Kaman, and Eric Gordon. That's got to be at least thirty wins right? Wrong. They will have fifteen wins or fifty-five. It's so stupid it might work.
Again, Iverson to the Bobcats makes way too much sense to be plausible. The NBA follows the rules of comic book and movie logic. Which is to say that there is a low premium on plausibility and you know, making a damn bit of sense.
Good Job, Chris Bosh
All hail the anointed Twitter Champion, Chris Bosh. Oddly, he doesn't thank me for my endorsement, which I am sure pushed him over the top.
UNC Guys in Summer League
One line summaries for the four 2009 Draft picks:
Tyler Hansbrough was way better than expected and one of the best players in Orlando.
Wayne Ellington and Danny Green have been the leading scorers on their team in at least one game and almost completely disappeared in another.
Ty Lawson has played in two games and made only one of fifteen field goal attempts, but the one that went in was such a sweet dunk that David Thorpe tweeted about it. So, yeah.
Of course, if Vegas Summer League action isn't enough and you want to watch a bizarro summer league where Flip Saunders, Sean May, and my nerdy hero Marvin Williams with the help of about half of UNC's incoming freshmen team square off against other pro's, college players, and a few high schoolers and other assorted weirdos, then allow me to introduce you to the NC Pro-Am Summer League. Billing itself as the Rucker's of the South, you can watch a truly bizarre collection of players from mostly around North Carolina go at it in a gym on the North Carolina Central campus. Seriously.
Mercuriality Update
For the many amongst you who are keeping track of which players are the most mercurial, as I know so many of you are wont to do, allow me to submit another name that should have been obvious: J.R. Smith. Mercuriality of 384. Well-done. That's good for a starting spot at shooting guard on the Love In the Time of Lebron All-Mercurial Team. Again, for those of you who keep track of such things.
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Answer for Charlotte?
I live in North Carolina, and, somehow, I guess, am a Bobcats fan. The Bobcats, in the past season, have somehow transformed from a young team filled with Michael Jordan's dubious draft picks to a team with a delightful mix of great young potential stars and grizzled veterans. It is, in absolute seriousness, one of the elite defensive teams in the country and a serious contender to make the playoffs. It's a fun team, with lots of interesting characters: the visceral, passionate recklessness of Gerald Wallace, the bizarre efficiency and skill of the discarded cogs of the D'Antoni machine in Bell And Diaw, and perpetually underrated young talent in Okafor and Felton. Also, for some reason, they are really, inexplicably good at beating the Lakers (7 out of the last 8 games have been Charlote wins, I believe)
The known weakness of Charlotte is simple: they can't score. The prescription seems simple: add one electrifying shooting guard and stir. There are a couple of potential problems. Charlotte is cheap. The front office is dumb. Lots of players don't want to play in Charlotte. Famously, Charlotte drafted Kobe, but he was so adamant about not playing in North Carolina he forced a trade to the Lakers. I like to imagine that the animosity of Charlotte's basketball directed at Kobe Bryant is the driving force behind the inexplicable recent dominance of the Bobcats against the Lakers.
Vince Carter, for example, would have been the ideal fit for Charlotte. An impossibly explosive scorer at shooting guard, a steady veteran presence, and, as an alumnus of the University of North Carolina, precisely the kind of guy who might be delighted to play for Michael Jordan and Larry Brown. Vince Carter isn't available. Allen Iverson is. Over the course of his career, there is no one in the league who puts up more points per game than AI except for Goddamn Lebron James Himself. But is he a good fit for Charlotte?
That's an excellent question and one that someone else answered in an in-depth and thoughtful manner. If you are, like me, inexplicably a Bobcats fan, then Queen City Hoops is easily the most important Bobcats blog to read. When it comes to team blogs, Charlotte has lucked out in getting a blogger who has the time and patience for in-depth statistical analysis that has few other peers, especially focused on one team. Brett does a great job at breaking down all the details. Read his analysis here.
Here it should be mentioned that perhaps my favorite basketball player is Allen Iverson. There are a lot of reasons to not like Allen Iverson and, in fact, a lot of people don't. The orthodox fan who decries any change from the way basketball was under the Honorable Coach John Wooden hate him for his flash and his swagger which they think undermines the team concept. He famously doesn't care about practice, and, all things considered, undermines all of the Grand Traditions of Basketball. Stats guys hate him for his inefficiency and believe his reputation is inflated. There are other criticisms that you'll find pretty easily by Googling his name and a lot of them are really ugly. Some of them are outright racist and others idiosyncratic and pedantic, and some brave few combine all these complaints. His personal history of controversy and trouble make him an easy target, and admittedly, he is no angel.
That said, I really like Allen Iverson. Here's why: Allen Iverson shouldn't be one of the greatest basketball players ever. He is short and not a very good shot. He's a ball hog and takes excessive risks on defense. He's also absolutely electrifying to watch. Allen Iverson's game is based on sheer willpower and determination. The ball goes in because he wants it to go in more than anything in the world. He has few talents except for lightning speed, ridiculous reflexes, and just total gritty toughness. His drives are all improvisational rolls of the dice, the most desperate moves of another players repertoire. For Iverson, it's his go to move. To say he plays hard is an understatement: the man martyrs himself on the court every night in whats usually a vain effort (Remember, he's spent most of his career being the only good player on his team). He plays hard and he gets hurt and then he plays through the injury. He is one of the top five all-time leading scorers in the NBA, at several points in his career only bested by Wilt and Michael. He is, right now, the best player six feet tall or shorter to ever play.
AI has never been the hero in the NBA. He's always been, for the most part, cast as a heel, a villain. His past is too checkered and his tendency towards hard honesty gets him in trouble, makes him difficult for mass audiences to love. The man has no talent for managing the media and doesn't even really understand why someone would even bother. In some ways, he is the opposite of Shaq. Shaq is very media savvy and gleefully cultivates his own mythology and his own story which the lazy media gladly seizes as their own. Shaq's talent for the turn of phrase, his charisma, and his ability to know just what to say, so as to be seen as funny and affable, make him, if not universally beloved, at least widely liked. This is, however, a fairly deliberate and trained talent. AI doesn't have it. He can barely dissimulate, can't hide his emotions from the press, can't put a good face on things if they are bad. He doesn't care if you are charmed by him or like him. It just doesn't register.
Ignore his legendary, Hall of Fame ability, for a second: AI is potentially the grittiest, toughest, most willful, determined, and sincere player in the game right now. He always plays his hardest and he says what he means. This is a clip of him talking about his scholarship program this past week. The Answer doesn't necessarily have answers of his own, answers for himself, but that doesn't mean the Question is less meaningful and important.
I know I got gushy, and I know that really, AI may in fact just be so good at PR manipulation that he has willfully chosen and shaped this media perception of himself to attract suckers like me. It's possible. Do you think it's likely?
BONUS: Someone remixed the famous AI practice press-conference. Enjoy.
The known weakness of Charlotte is simple: they can't score. The prescription seems simple: add one electrifying shooting guard and stir. There are a couple of potential problems. Charlotte is cheap. The front office is dumb. Lots of players don't want to play in Charlotte. Famously, Charlotte drafted Kobe, but he was so adamant about not playing in North Carolina he forced a trade to the Lakers. I like to imagine that the animosity of Charlotte's basketball directed at Kobe Bryant is the driving force behind the inexplicable recent dominance of the Bobcats against the Lakers.
Vince Carter, for example, would have been the ideal fit for Charlotte. An impossibly explosive scorer at shooting guard, a steady veteran presence, and, as an alumnus of the University of North Carolina, precisely the kind of guy who might be delighted to play for Michael Jordan and Larry Brown. Vince Carter isn't available. Allen Iverson is. Over the course of his career, there is no one in the league who puts up more points per game than AI except for Goddamn Lebron James Himself. But is he a good fit for Charlotte?
That's an excellent question and one that someone else answered in an in-depth and thoughtful manner. If you are, like me, inexplicably a Bobcats fan, then Queen City Hoops is easily the most important Bobcats blog to read. When it comes to team blogs, Charlotte has lucked out in getting a blogger who has the time and patience for in-depth statistical analysis that has few other peers, especially focused on one team. Brett does a great job at breaking down all the details. Read his analysis here.
Here it should be mentioned that perhaps my favorite basketball player is Allen Iverson. There are a lot of reasons to not like Allen Iverson and, in fact, a lot of people don't. The orthodox fan who decries any change from the way basketball was under the Honorable Coach John Wooden hate him for his flash and his swagger which they think undermines the team concept. He famously doesn't care about practice, and, all things considered, undermines all of the Grand Traditions of Basketball. Stats guys hate him for his inefficiency and believe his reputation is inflated. There are other criticisms that you'll find pretty easily by Googling his name and a lot of them are really ugly. Some of them are outright racist and others idiosyncratic and pedantic, and some brave few combine all these complaints. His personal history of controversy and trouble make him an easy target, and admittedly, he is no angel.
That said, I really like Allen Iverson. Here's why: Allen Iverson shouldn't be one of the greatest basketball players ever. He is short and not a very good shot. He's a ball hog and takes excessive risks on defense. He's also absolutely electrifying to watch. Allen Iverson's game is based on sheer willpower and determination. The ball goes in because he wants it to go in more than anything in the world. He has few talents except for lightning speed, ridiculous reflexes, and just total gritty toughness. His drives are all improvisational rolls of the dice, the most desperate moves of another players repertoire. For Iverson, it's his go to move. To say he plays hard is an understatement: the man martyrs himself on the court every night in whats usually a vain effort (Remember, he's spent most of his career being the only good player on his team). He plays hard and he gets hurt and then he plays through the injury. He is one of the top five all-time leading scorers in the NBA, at several points in his career only bested by Wilt and Michael. He is, right now, the best player six feet tall or shorter to ever play.
AI has never been the hero in the NBA. He's always been, for the most part, cast as a heel, a villain. His past is too checkered and his tendency towards hard honesty gets him in trouble, makes him difficult for mass audiences to love. The man has no talent for managing the media and doesn't even really understand why someone would even bother. In some ways, he is the opposite of Shaq. Shaq is very media savvy and gleefully cultivates his own mythology and his own story which the lazy media gladly seizes as their own. Shaq's talent for the turn of phrase, his charisma, and his ability to know just what to say, so as to be seen as funny and affable, make him, if not universally beloved, at least widely liked. This is, however, a fairly deliberate and trained talent. AI doesn't have it. He can barely dissimulate, can't hide his emotions from the press, can't put a good face on things if they are bad. He doesn't care if you are charmed by him or like him. It just doesn't register.
Ignore his legendary, Hall of Fame ability, for a second: AI is potentially the grittiest, toughest, most willful, determined, and sincere player in the game right now. He always plays his hardest and he says what he means. This is a clip of him talking about his scholarship program this past week. The Answer doesn't necessarily have answers of his own, answers for himself, but that doesn't mean the Question is less meaningful and important.
I know I got gushy, and I know that really, AI may in fact just be so good at PR manipulation that he has willfully chosen and shaped this media perception of himself to attract suckers like me. It's possible. Do you think it's likely?
BONUS: Someone remixed the famous AI practice press-conference. Enjoy.
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