I was watching the first game of the Finals and I was really impressed by how well the Lakers were playing. Then I saw this interview with Kobe. In this rad little piece, he talks about how he was influenced by the styles of lots of the great players before him. Seeing that, combined with the Lakers play convinced me that the Lakers could very well sweep.
Impressive stuff, Kobe. Then I had the misfortune of seeing this.
This is a clip from Keeping Up with the Kardashians, the reality show about the Kardashian family. Lamar Odom, power forward for the Lakers, is married to Khloe Kardashian. In this clip, Khloe works on a sexy video for Lamar. The key section of the clip involves a topless Khloe lounging in a bath tub full of candy. This is because, as you may have heard, Lamar Odom enjoys candy. He also presumably enjoys his naked wife. Obviously, the combination of the two things then must logically be incredibly sexy to Lamar. That being said: OH MY GOD, MY EYES.
Incidentally, in case you had a case of deja vu set off by the Khloe-covered-in-candy-because-of-Odom center of your brain, it's probably because you remember this story, which is about the time Khloe woke up confused and covered in melted chocolate because Lamar apparently stashed a ton of it in their bed and fell asleep before eating it all.
Yeah, gross. This is the kind of challenging background research I do for this blog. You are welcome.
Oh right, and now for the trenchant analysis you came here for: There is no way in hell that the Lakers can win because Lamar + Khloe + candy = DIVINE DISFAVOR. Sorry, Kobe, your good karma and respect for your fore-bearers can't undo the black magic of reality stars.
Here is a video from last year about how much Lamar loves candy.
Here is a clip of Lamar eating a PowerBar Energy Gel Blast which is apparently like candy but helps you dunk on the moon.
Here is the trailer from the 1992 horror film, "Candyman."
Here is the place where I made a joke about Lamar Odom and "Candyman" before, because I am a hack with recycled jokes.
Here is the place where I would have put the video to that Christina Aguilera song, "Candyman," but didn't because the world is cruel enough already and I am so sorry about that Keeping Up With the Kardashians video.
I'm so sorry.
Showing posts with label kobe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kobe. Show all posts
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
My Drunk Girlfriend Watching Basketball III: THE SECRET OF THE BOOZE
SO IT RETURNS: After breaking down two first round match-ups between Chicago and Cleveland and Denver and Utah, my margarita-loving, nickname-giving, basketball-indifferent girlfriend has returned to sip sip sip and explain Game Six of the NBA's Western Conference Finals. It was a good one.
8:58 Time to GET BLOGGING. Phoenix town is making me dizzy; I don't really understand how I didn't notice this last time I watched them, but wow: that is a lot of orange. Orange in the stands. Orange on the sides. Orange on Goggles' bandaid. Orange on Steve Nash's skin. As everyone knows, orange is a color of power. I just made that up, but I think it is true. I predict a night of POWER for the Suns.
9:00 Kellen just reminded me that Goggles [Amar'e Stoudemire] is wearing his namesake goggles because he detached his retina last year. Thanks for making me want to claw out my own eyes forever [Anytime.].
9:03 Speaking of power, Kobe is radiating it. He doesn't need that orange. Those cheekbones could cut a man, or even men. Imagine a whole army felled by the Kobe's cheek-katanas. The Suns' Steve Nash also possesses razor-sharp cheekbones. Unfortunately for Steve Nash, no one will ever get close enough to find this out firsthand. Before we go any further, let me say a word about Steve Nash. Well, first, a word about myself. In my haphazard chronicling of the playoffs, I have discovered something about myself: I am an unfair lady with many unfounded opinions about NBA players. I'm sure that Patches is lovely. I am certain that the fearful bald giant of Cleveland has a mother who loves him very much [Agree to disagree.]. I have no doubt in my mind that the blond man-beast is an honest and diligent gentleman. That said, I am still a little frightened by all of them. Furthermore, I am uniquely unnerved by Steve Nash.
The first time I noticed him was in those dopey "NBA Cares" commercials. I'm always really relieved when one comes on and it's not another one with him in it. As someone who works with children, I'm just going to go ahead and say this even though I can't really justify it on any level: I would not leave a child alone with Steve Nash. Hell, I wouldn't even leave a group of children with Steve Nash. For possibly no reason other than the paranoia that apparently sets in when I drink and turn on TNT, I just have a bad feeling about him. Is he legitimately creepy? Maybe that's why they always use him for the slogan-saying part of these commercials instead of the actual "caring" part. I am sure he is nice and even delightful. All I'm saying is, your middle school friend's creepy dad was nice too [WHAT THE FUCK?]
9:05 Willy Wonka [Craig Sager] works for TNT and is explaining how the human knee works with the help of a big poster he must have snuck past the security guard.
9:09 One of the Lakers just got knocked down and hung around on the floor for a bit making sweat angels.
9:11 I really like the Suns, so no offence, Suns and Suns lovers, but I have to say it: I am convinced that they are the most awkward team in the NBA. Every time one of them loses the ball and the Lakers score, they just kind of walk away fake-casually like maybe no one saw it. We all saw it, y'all. The only exception to this is Steve Nash, who gives the impression of trying too hard: if the others are all middle school guys who try to get by unnoticed, he's the middle school guy who follows around all of the big dudes, bouncing on the balls of his feet and hoping that someone, anyone will ask him to stick around.
9:17 Suns 17 [Lou Amundson] just jumped up in the air and flailed around for a bit, knocking the ball away from a Laker. This was arguably an accident, and now he is repeating it again and again, apparently hoping that the ball will fly in the path of one of his unrestained limbs yet again.
9:19 It's not working, 17.
9:23 Nor is it a sound technique for making shots.
9:25 Apparently the Suns' Baby Dragon [...Goran Dragic] and the Lakers' Slovenian [Sasha Vujacic: THE MACHINE] have a big rivalry. This is so hard to believe. Baby Dragon is like a little duckling, but clumsier. Somehow he manages to keep scoring even as he skittishly darts around and falls to the ground after nearly every shot.
9:30 I think the Suns formed by magic when that fortune telling machine from Big just made a ragtag squad of 12 year-olds like seven feet tall. This explains pretty much everything, except why anyone would ever let a bunch of 12 year-olds hang out with Steve Nash. This makes Steve Nash's habits of harassing his teammates with his balls that much more disturbing.
9:32 The boringest famous people love this game! You know who Cindy McCain kind of looks like? Kobe Bryant. Kellen doesn't see it, but think about it. Think.
9:37 New Suns coaching strategy: offer them a pizza party. I think that will work. That always works with 12 year olds. Pizza party or no, Channing Frye just scored [THAT'S MY BOY!]. To answer the question I know he was asking in the moment just after: Yes, we all noticed. Yes, we are proud. You are sweet and good and we are very glad when you do especially well.
9:44 A Sun just let a ball Steve Nash threw fly right past him and off the court. Afterward he turned around a bit, like he was looking around for someone to blame. "Yeah, Steve, that was fucked up. Yeah, someone just let that get right past him... no idea where he went. Yeah." Stop it. WE ALL SAW YOU.
10:12 I think Steve Nash has officially taken over this team. Everyone else is trying to act like they came up with this idea. "Yeah, um, OK, Steve. Like we said, you get to score now. Yeah."
10:21 I wonder if the Suns ever stay up playing Halo and drinking Mountain Dew. Number 17 throws the controller down in frustration when he loses, and says the dirtiest curse word he knows. When Channing Frye wins, he smiles shyly. Sometimes his mom comes down the basement stairs with a tray of Bagel Bites for them all to share. Steve Nash came over a few times, but he was a little too creepy, and Mrs. Frye hinted that he probably shouldn't come around anymore.
10:26 Suns coach looks like he was about to cry. Maybe he's been too easy on these kids. Handing out airheads and jawbreakers for free throws during practice may have been a good short-term strategy, but it's not working now.
10:27 Kellen leaves to go get a beer,and when he comes back, he appears to be puzzled by the score.
I assume this silence is only appreciation for my masterful commentary.
10:43 Baby Dragon just got slain! Lakers' Slovenian just elbowed him in his sweet face and he slowly fell backward, drifting like a fallen angel. Doves are crying.
10:47 Baby Dragon arises, better than before. He scores twice, each time looking absolutely stunned at the power his fall has unleashed deep within his timid soul. Baby Dragon is a baby no more.
10:50 They keep replaying his encounter with the other dude's elbow. It looks like Baby Dragon was just in the middle of a sweet warble when he was brutally knocked back. "Hey, my friends, would you have some cookies my mother ba-- UGHHHHH." He never saw it coming. If he hadn't just bloomed into full dragonhood, this would be kind of humiliating.
10:57 The Dragon formerly known as Baby Dragon makes a heroic shot... and misses. His wings are not yet unfurled. One day you will fly away, young one. For now, Goggles is here to score some points, just to make you forget. During the next time out, you talk. He is glad his retinas did not totally fall out, he says. Seeing you grow up is so amazing. I know you are a big dragon now, but you will always be Baby Dragon in his heart, he will tell you as he engulfs you in a manly, nurturing hug. In my heart too, my friend.
11:03 Down five with 4:45 to go, and Steve Nash is not in. I imagine he is off doing Tai Chi or some shit.
11:04 Nash in. "Just had to balance my aura, guys." Baby Dragon flutters his bent wings in a silent show of gladness.
11:07 Steve Nash: "I don't think Goggles will know that we are glad he just made those free throws unless I come up to the line and slap his ass." Good call, though I hope my ass is never within Steve Nash's slapping range. Meanwhile, Baby Dragon is crying the tears of the innocent.
11:13 I've refrained from mentioning this, but Kobe Bryant is the terrifying snake of my every nightmare [That is a fact.].
11:15 Kobe thinks he is a soaring eagle. He is wrong. Kobe, you may be flying now (OK, and in every other game), but dragons fly forever.
11:19 It's official. No pizza party for the Suns tonight. Steve Nash might offer to buy you guys pizza at his house, but your moms might not like that.
11:25 That's it. The power of orange was not power enough to propel the Suns into the finals. Dragons may fly forever, but this Baby Dragon's post-season is over. I can only speak for myself, and possibly for Goggles, but I'm looking forward to following his mystical flight into the next season and beyond. Don't worry, little one; all dragons have to start somewhere.
That was beautiful. Did you think it was beautiful? Leave Elizabeth a comment with your feelings about the best Slovenian rivalries and general thoughts on this incisive analysis.
8:58 Time to GET BLOGGING. Phoenix town is making me dizzy; I don't really understand how I didn't notice this last time I watched them, but wow: that is a lot of orange. Orange in the stands. Orange on the sides. Orange on Goggles' bandaid. Orange on Steve Nash's skin. As everyone knows, orange is a color of power. I just made that up, but I think it is true. I predict a night of POWER for the Suns.
9:00 Kellen just reminded me that Goggles [Amar'e Stoudemire] is wearing his namesake goggles because he detached his retina last year. Thanks for making me want to claw out my own eyes forever [Anytime.].
9:03 Speaking of power, Kobe is radiating it. He doesn't need that orange. Those cheekbones could cut a man, or even men. Imagine a whole army felled by the Kobe's cheek-katanas. The Suns' Steve Nash also possesses razor-sharp cheekbones. Unfortunately for Steve Nash, no one will ever get close enough to find this out firsthand. Before we go any further, let me say a word about Steve Nash. Well, first, a word about myself. In my haphazard chronicling of the playoffs, I have discovered something about myself: I am an unfair lady with many unfounded opinions about NBA players. I'm sure that Patches is lovely. I am certain that the fearful bald giant of Cleveland has a mother who loves him very much [Agree to disagree.]. I have no doubt in my mind that the blond man-beast is an honest and diligent gentleman. That said, I am still a little frightened by all of them. Furthermore, I am uniquely unnerved by Steve Nash.
The first time I noticed him was in those dopey "NBA Cares" commercials. I'm always really relieved when one comes on and it's not another one with him in it. As someone who works with children, I'm just going to go ahead and say this even though I can't really justify it on any level: I would not leave a child alone with Steve Nash. Hell, I wouldn't even leave a group of children with Steve Nash. For possibly no reason other than the paranoia that apparently sets in when I drink and turn on TNT, I just have a bad feeling about him. Is he legitimately creepy? Maybe that's why they always use him for the slogan-saying part of these commercials instead of the actual "caring" part. I am sure he is nice and even delightful. All I'm saying is, your middle school friend's creepy dad was nice too [WHAT THE FUCK?]
9:05 Willy Wonka [Craig Sager] works for TNT and is explaining how the human knee works with the help of a big poster he must have snuck past the security guard.
9:09 One of the Lakers just got knocked down and hung around on the floor for a bit making sweat angels.
9:11 I really like the Suns, so no offence, Suns and Suns lovers, but I have to say it: I am convinced that they are the most awkward team in the NBA. Every time one of them loses the ball and the Lakers score, they just kind of walk away fake-casually like maybe no one saw it. We all saw it, y'all. The only exception to this is Steve Nash, who gives the impression of trying too hard: if the others are all middle school guys who try to get by unnoticed, he's the middle school guy who follows around all of the big dudes, bouncing on the balls of his feet and hoping that someone, anyone will ask him to stick around.
9:17 Suns 17 [Lou Amundson] just jumped up in the air and flailed around for a bit, knocking the ball away from a Laker. This was arguably an accident, and now he is repeating it again and again, apparently hoping that the ball will fly in the path of one of his unrestained limbs yet again.
9:19 It's not working, 17.
9:23 Nor is it a sound technique for making shots.
9:25 Apparently the Suns' Baby Dragon [...Goran Dragic] and the Lakers' Slovenian [Sasha Vujacic: THE MACHINE] have a big rivalry. This is so hard to believe. Baby Dragon is like a little duckling, but clumsier. Somehow he manages to keep scoring even as he skittishly darts around and falls to the ground after nearly every shot.
9:30 I think the Suns formed by magic when that fortune telling machine from Big just made a ragtag squad of 12 year-olds like seven feet tall. This explains pretty much everything, except why anyone would ever let a bunch of 12 year-olds hang out with Steve Nash. This makes Steve Nash's habits of harassing his teammates with his balls that much more disturbing.
9:32 The boringest famous people love this game! You know who Cindy McCain kind of looks like? Kobe Bryant. Kellen doesn't see it, but think about it. Think.
9:37 New Suns coaching strategy: offer them a pizza party. I think that will work. That always works with 12 year olds. Pizza party or no, Channing Frye just scored [THAT'S MY BOY!]. To answer the question I know he was asking in the moment just after: Yes, we all noticed. Yes, we are proud. You are sweet and good and we are very glad when you do especially well.
9:44 A Sun just let a ball Steve Nash threw fly right past him and off the court. Afterward he turned around a bit, like he was looking around for someone to blame. "Yeah, Steve, that was fucked up. Yeah, someone just let that get right past him... no idea where he went. Yeah." Stop it. WE ALL SAW YOU.
10:12 I think Steve Nash has officially taken over this team. Everyone else is trying to act like they came up with this idea. "Yeah, um, OK, Steve. Like we said, you get to score now. Yeah."
10:21 I wonder if the Suns ever stay up playing Halo and drinking Mountain Dew. Number 17 throws the controller down in frustration when he loses, and says the dirtiest curse word he knows. When Channing Frye wins, he smiles shyly. Sometimes his mom comes down the basement stairs with a tray of Bagel Bites for them all to share. Steve Nash came over a few times, but he was a little too creepy, and Mrs. Frye hinted that he probably shouldn't come around anymore.
10:26 Suns coach looks like he was about to cry. Maybe he's been too easy on these kids. Handing out airheads and jawbreakers for free throws during practice may have been a good short-term strategy, but it's not working now.
10:27 Kellen leaves to go get a beer,and when he comes back, he appears to be puzzled by the score.
K: Hey, what happened? Lakers are up by 14 now.
E: Yeah, they scored some.
K: ...
E: I'm just saying what I saw.
I assume this silence is only appreciation for my masterful commentary.
10:43 Baby Dragon just got slain! Lakers' Slovenian just elbowed him in his sweet face and he slowly fell backward, drifting like a fallen angel. Doves are crying.
10:47 Baby Dragon arises, better than before. He scores twice, each time looking absolutely stunned at the power his fall has unleashed deep within his timid soul. Baby Dragon is a baby no more.
10:50 They keep replaying his encounter with the other dude's elbow. It looks like Baby Dragon was just in the middle of a sweet warble when he was brutally knocked back. "Hey, my friends, would you have some cookies my mother ba-- UGHHHHH." He never saw it coming. If he hadn't just bloomed into full dragonhood, this would be kind of humiliating.
10:57 The Dragon formerly known as Baby Dragon makes a heroic shot... and misses. His wings are not yet unfurled. One day you will fly away, young one. For now, Goggles is here to score some points, just to make you forget. During the next time out, you talk. He is glad his retinas did not totally fall out, he says. Seeing you grow up is so amazing. I know you are a big dragon now, but you will always be Baby Dragon in his heart, he will tell you as he engulfs you in a manly, nurturing hug. In my heart too, my friend.
11:03 Down five with 4:45 to go, and Steve Nash is not in. I imagine he is off doing Tai Chi or some shit.
11:04 Nash in. "Just had to balance my aura, guys." Baby Dragon flutters his bent wings in a silent show of gladness.
11:07 Steve Nash: "I don't think Goggles will know that we are glad he just made those free throws unless I come up to the line and slap his ass." Good call, though I hope my ass is never within Steve Nash's slapping range. Meanwhile, Baby Dragon is crying the tears of the innocent.
11:13 I've refrained from mentioning this, but Kobe Bryant is the terrifying snake of my every nightmare [That is a fact.].
11:15 Kobe thinks he is a soaring eagle. He is wrong. Kobe, you may be flying now (OK, and in every other game), but dragons fly forever.
11:19 It's official. No pizza party for the Suns tonight. Steve Nash might offer to buy you guys pizza at his house, but your moms might not like that.
11:25 That's it. The power of orange was not power enough to propel the Suns into the finals. Dragons may fly forever, but this Baby Dragon's post-season is over. I can only speak for myself, and possibly for Goggles, but I'm looking forward to following his mystical flight into the next season and beyond. Don't worry, little one; all dragons have to start somewhere.
That was beautiful. Did you think it was beautiful? Leave Elizabeth a comment with your feelings about the best Slovenian rivalries and general thoughts on this incisive analysis.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
2009-10 Team Previews: Los Angeles Lakers
After an informal hiatus, Love in the Time Of Lebron is back and totally psyched, you guys, about basketball. The pre-season started on Friday and all the teams are getting warmed up for whats sure to be an exciting season. In the same way, this blog is going to get warme dup with the hoariest of pre-season blog cliches: TEAM PREVIEWS!
Love in the Time of Lebron will be breaking down for you all thirty teams in the League, and telling you whether you should love them or hate them and why. We have opinions so you don't have to.
Classification
Team That I Hate and Love
What I Like
"The Lakers are mulling starting a big lineup of Bryant, Artest, Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum and Odom, who regularly came off the bench last season."
That's fucked up in the best possible way. I love it when teams take a risk with a bizarre line-up that will, at the least, make the other team sweat trying to think of a counter. In some ways that was the entire rationale behind the Orlando Magic last season. But, lets contemplate this highly speculative line-up: It is, offensively and defensively as nasty as it gets. The idea of Kobe Bryant guarding point guards alone is one that should make a lot of teams lose a lot of sleep. The odds of the Lakers going to this line-up regularly is slim because of their commitment to sticking with, you know, the strategies that have helped them win so much. Still, the idea of this line up is a big draw to me.
Other reasons to watch and like the Lakers: Lamar Odom is a delightful human being and a freakish basketball player who can change games by doing a million little things at once. Mercurial forward Ron Artest is a chippy badass who makes any game he is in suddenly potentially explosive. Adam Morrison is skeezy in a legendary way. Kobe Bryant is a basketball savant whose dedication to his craft is mesmerizing and impossible not to watch.
What I Don't Like
Kobe Bryant is a ruthless potential sociopath. Kobe, what is best in life? "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women." - Kobe Bryant. That is why you should be scared if your friend tells you that Kobe is their favorite player.
This team is a soulless juggernaut, and the flashes of fire that seem most interesting (notably, mercurial forward Ron Artest) are the things Laker's fans fear most. Pau Gasol is undeniably effective, but I don't think I've ever seen a more empty eyed look from a power forward outside of Tim Duncan. The slack-jawed glazed look couple with the most epic neckbeard in the NBA makes for an undeniably talented face that I don't think even Marc can love. Sasha Vujacic is an easy target, but there's a reason for that; anyone who gives them self the nickname "The Machine" is totally worthy of some scorn. Also, Luke Walton is simply the worst.
Mythology
Lots of people have discussed the Lamar Odom's love of candy. He's been dubbed by more than one person, "The Candyman." But are we overlooking something obvious?
I'm not making any accusations, but I am urging some careful consideration. Is it possible that the legendary supernatural killer is hiding in the spotlight. Could it be that the Candyman is the Candyman? Is Lamar Odom's aww-shucks attitude and cheerful demeanor a mere act? More importantly: WHO WAS IT WHO SUMMONED HIM?
Prophecy
In January, the Lakers will set a record for greatest use of on-court demonic powers when, simultaneously, Lamar Odom reveals himself as the Candyman, an exorcism (performed by an unknown figure hidden deep within the bowels of the Staples Center) sends a small horde of cacodemons pouring out of Ron Artest's mouth to ravage the specators, and Kobe Bryant kneels down at half-court and completes the final stage of his diabolic pact causing him to sprout horns and leathery wings in hopes of countering Lebron's recent angelic transformation. Also, Walton and Vujacic are revealed as some kind of demons of incompetence and Adam Morrison is revealed as the newest incarnation of the Laker's Skeeze Demon legacy (most famous incarnation: Kurt Rambis).
Relevant Media
Verdict
Watch them when they play because they are terribly good and wield unholy powers. Hate and fear them for the same reasons. Also, because the triangle offense is boring and Pau Gasol is hard to look at.
Love in the Time of Lebron will be breaking down for you all thirty teams in the League, and telling you whether you should love them or hate them and why. We have opinions so you don't have to.
Classification
Team That I Hate and Love
What I Like
"The Lakers are mulling starting a big lineup of Bryant, Artest, Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum and Odom, who regularly came off the bench last season."
That's fucked up in the best possible way. I love it when teams take a risk with a bizarre line-up that will, at the least, make the other team sweat trying to think of a counter. In some ways that was the entire rationale behind the Orlando Magic last season. But, lets contemplate this highly speculative line-up: It is, offensively and defensively as nasty as it gets. The idea of Kobe Bryant guarding point guards alone is one that should make a lot of teams lose a lot of sleep. The odds of the Lakers going to this line-up regularly is slim because of their commitment to sticking with, you know, the strategies that have helped them win so much. Still, the idea of this line up is a big draw to me.
Other reasons to watch and like the Lakers: Lamar Odom is a delightful human being and a freakish basketball player who can change games by doing a million little things at once. Mercurial forward Ron Artest is a chippy badass who makes any game he is in suddenly potentially explosive. Adam Morrison is skeezy in a legendary way. Kobe Bryant is a basketball savant whose dedication to his craft is mesmerizing and impossible not to watch.
What I Don't Like
Kobe Bryant is a ruthless potential sociopath. Kobe, what is best in life? "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women." - Kobe Bryant. That is why you should be scared if your friend tells you that Kobe is their favorite player.
This team is a soulless juggernaut, and the flashes of fire that seem most interesting (notably, mercurial forward Ron Artest) are the things Laker's fans fear most. Pau Gasol is undeniably effective, but I don't think I've ever seen a more empty eyed look from a power forward outside of Tim Duncan. The slack-jawed glazed look couple with the most epic neckbeard in the NBA makes for an undeniably talented face that I don't think even Marc can love. Sasha Vujacic is an easy target, but there's a reason for that; anyone who gives them self the nickname "The Machine" is totally worthy of some scorn. Also, Luke Walton is simply the worst.
Mythology
Lots of people have discussed the Lamar Odom's love of candy. He's been dubbed by more than one person, "The Candyman." But are we overlooking something obvious?
I'm not making any accusations, but I am urging some careful consideration. Is it possible that the legendary supernatural killer is hiding in the spotlight. Could it be that the Candyman is the Candyman? Is Lamar Odom's aww-shucks attitude and cheerful demeanor a mere act? More importantly: WHO WAS IT WHO SUMMONED HIM?
Prophecy
In January, the Lakers will set a record for greatest use of on-court demonic powers when, simultaneously, Lamar Odom reveals himself as the Candyman, an exorcism (performed by an unknown figure hidden deep within the bowels of the Staples Center) sends a small horde of cacodemons pouring out of Ron Artest's mouth to ravage the specators, and Kobe Bryant kneels down at half-court and completes the final stage of his diabolic pact causing him to sprout horns and leathery wings in hopes of countering Lebron's recent angelic transformation. Also, Walton and Vujacic are revealed as some kind of demons of incompetence and Adam Morrison is revealed as the newest incarnation of the Laker's Skeeze Demon legacy (most famous incarnation: Kurt Rambis).
Relevant Media
Verdict
Watch them when they play because they are terribly good and wield unholy powers. Hate and fear them for the same reasons. Also, because the triangle offense is boring and Pau Gasol is hard to look at.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Saturday Catch-Up: UNC and Michael Jordan.
UNC Alumni Game
Last weekend, the Dean Smith center in Chapel Hill played host to an exhibition game made up of former UNC basketball players. It was, in short ridiculous. Some highlights: Vince Carter dunking off a ball bounced off the backboard (twice). Wayne Ellington dunking on Antawn Jamison. Ty Lawson crossing over Raymond Felton. Danny Green, the surprising high scorer, was draining threes from all over. Everyone was there (except Rasheed Wallace), and it was beautiful. LIKE A DREAM.
Here are some highlights:
Here is the box score.
The others were all there. You'd see them around town all week. It was UNC basketball nirvana. Some bits of related miscellany:
Rashad McCants Still Looking For A Job
I love Rashad. He treats his fans pretty well, despite anything I may have said in the past. How many NBA players give out their Xbox Live handle, their AIM, and their BlackBerry Messenger info in an effort to keep talking and playing with all of his fans? Not too many. He's a good guy and a helluva baller, but his inablity to get a job right now apparently got the Carolina family concerned. This is a nice article about the resulting discussion.
Marvin Williams Middle Name
I love Marvin. I may have, however, unfairly called him a nerd. Why do I now step back from this? His middle name is Gaye. Marvin Gaye Williams. This man can not, by law, be a nerd. Apologies all round.
The Man
Also at the Alumni Game, there was a Man. His name is Michael Jordan. Last night he was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. Now, thousands of words have already been written about this event and MJ and what he means. I just want to make two points: When people talk about the greatness of Carolina Basketball, they usually link it to Dean Smith, and this is indisputable. The first NCAA Championship that Dean Smith won, however, is owed to Michael Jordan, that final winning shot against Georgetown. Without Jordan, Dean Smith has one championship. A great coach, but not one of the greatest of all time. Carolina Basketball, as an institution, plays down the role of Jordan, instead emphasizing a grand tradition of which Jordan is only a small part. Amazingly though, this is one area in which Jordan maybe doesn't get enough credit. Dean Smith is the Man in Chapel Hill, but what would he have been without Jordan?
The second point I want to emphasize is one about the NBA. The NBA, unlike most other sports leagues, is one where the central driving narrative of the league is easily and readily apparent. The individual struggles of the various cities and teams to win championships is a tiny, minor part of the NBA. If I were trying to explain to a Hollywood studio guy what the NBA is about in terms of it's spine or central story, the answer is easy: Who is the heir of Jordan? Is it Lebron? WILL HE FULFILL THE PROPHECY?
Jordan was the Greatest of All Time (some proof) and anyone who suggests otherwise is flatly wrong. Basketball since his reign, and even during the latter part of it, has been preoccupied with the search for a worthy heir. This is what has been driving the story of the NBA. For a while, we thought it was Kobe, but the sun is setting on him and it looks like he was merely a mirage. Unless he wins the championship every season for the next three seasons, and even if he does, it's hard to credit Kobe as a credible heir.
But what of Lebron, the Chosen One? Well, using some projections, it looks like he's going to have a real chance at surpassing the statistical achievements of Jordan, at least. The guys at Basketball Prospectus break it down here. Will he win six championships though? Much harder to say. But, this, the underlying thought behind this question, is the reason we watch the NBA. The spine, the essence, the main plot of the NBA is whether Lebron will meet expectations and surpass the achievements of Jordan. There are subplots, rivalries, and championships; these are interesting and entertaining details, but they really are just subplots. When boiled down to its bare essence, the question is as simple and elemental as you might imagine: Will anyone ever be as good as Jordan?
This is why we can't take our eyes off the Chosen One. The era of Jordan is officially done. Now, we live in the time of Lebron.
That is all.
Last weekend, the Dean Smith center in Chapel Hill played host to an exhibition game made up of former UNC basketball players. It was, in short ridiculous. Some highlights: Vince Carter dunking off a ball bounced off the backboard (twice). Wayne Ellington dunking on Antawn Jamison. Ty Lawson crossing over Raymond Felton. Danny Green, the surprising high scorer, was draining threes from all over. Everyone was there (except Rasheed Wallace), and it was beautiful. LIKE A DREAM.
Here are some highlights:
Here is the box score.
The others were all there. You'd see them around town all week. It was UNC basketball nirvana. Some bits of related miscellany:
Rashad McCants Still Looking For A Job
I love Rashad. He treats his fans pretty well, despite anything I may have said in the past. How many NBA players give out their Xbox Live handle, their AIM, and their BlackBerry Messenger info in an effort to keep talking and playing with all of his fans? Not too many. He's a good guy and a helluva baller, but his inablity to get a job right now apparently got the Carolina family concerned. This is a nice article about the resulting discussion.
Marvin Williams Middle Name
I love Marvin. I may have, however, unfairly called him a nerd. Why do I now step back from this? His middle name is Gaye. Marvin Gaye Williams. This man can not, by law, be a nerd. Apologies all round.
The Man
Also at the Alumni Game, there was a Man. His name is Michael Jordan. Last night he was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. Now, thousands of words have already been written about this event and MJ and what he means. I just want to make two points: When people talk about the greatness of Carolina Basketball, they usually link it to Dean Smith, and this is indisputable. The first NCAA Championship that Dean Smith won, however, is owed to Michael Jordan, that final winning shot against Georgetown. Without Jordan, Dean Smith has one championship. A great coach, but not one of the greatest of all time. Carolina Basketball, as an institution, plays down the role of Jordan, instead emphasizing a grand tradition of which Jordan is only a small part. Amazingly though, this is one area in which Jordan maybe doesn't get enough credit. Dean Smith is the Man in Chapel Hill, but what would he have been without Jordan?
The second point I want to emphasize is one about the NBA. The NBA, unlike most other sports leagues, is one where the central driving narrative of the league is easily and readily apparent. The individual struggles of the various cities and teams to win championships is a tiny, minor part of the NBA. If I were trying to explain to a Hollywood studio guy what the NBA is about in terms of it's spine or central story, the answer is easy: Who is the heir of Jordan? Is it Lebron? WILL HE FULFILL THE PROPHECY?
Jordan was the Greatest of All Time (some proof) and anyone who suggests otherwise is flatly wrong. Basketball since his reign, and even during the latter part of it, has been preoccupied with the search for a worthy heir. This is what has been driving the story of the NBA. For a while, we thought it was Kobe, but the sun is setting on him and it looks like he was merely a mirage. Unless he wins the championship every season for the next three seasons, and even if he does, it's hard to credit Kobe as a credible heir.
But what of Lebron, the Chosen One? Well, using some projections, it looks like he's going to have a real chance at surpassing the statistical achievements of Jordan, at least. The guys at Basketball Prospectus break it down here. Will he win six championships though? Much harder to say. But, this, the underlying thought behind this question, is the reason we watch the NBA. The spine, the essence, the main plot of the NBA is whether Lebron will meet expectations and surpass the achievements of Jordan. There are subplots, rivalries, and championships; these are interesting and entertaining details, but they really are just subplots. When boiled down to its bare essence, the question is as simple and elemental as you might imagine: Will anyone ever be as good as Jordan?
This is why we can't take our eyes off the Chosen One. The era of Jordan is officially done. Now, we live in the time of Lebron.
That is all.
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Answer for Charlotte?
I live in North Carolina, and, somehow, I guess, am a Bobcats fan. The Bobcats, in the past season, have somehow transformed from a young team filled with Michael Jordan's dubious draft picks to a team with a delightful mix of great young potential stars and grizzled veterans. It is, in absolute seriousness, one of the elite defensive teams in the country and a serious contender to make the playoffs. It's a fun team, with lots of interesting characters: the visceral, passionate recklessness of Gerald Wallace, the bizarre efficiency and skill of the discarded cogs of the D'Antoni machine in Bell And Diaw, and perpetually underrated young talent in Okafor and Felton. Also, for some reason, they are really, inexplicably good at beating the Lakers (7 out of the last 8 games have been Charlote wins, I believe)
The known weakness of Charlotte is simple: they can't score. The prescription seems simple: add one electrifying shooting guard and stir. There are a couple of potential problems. Charlotte is cheap. The front office is dumb. Lots of players don't want to play in Charlotte. Famously, Charlotte drafted Kobe, but he was so adamant about not playing in North Carolina he forced a trade to the Lakers. I like to imagine that the animosity of Charlotte's basketball directed at Kobe Bryant is the driving force behind the inexplicable recent dominance of the Bobcats against the Lakers.
Vince Carter, for example, would have been the ideal fit for Charlotte. An impossibly explosive scorer at shooting guard, a steady veteran presence, and, as an alumnus of the University of North Carolina, precisely the kind of guy who might be delighted to play for Michael Jordan and Larry Brown. Vince Carter isn't available. Allen Iverson is. Over the course of his career, there is no one in the league who puts up more points per game than AI except for Goddamn Lebron James Himself. But is he a good fit for Charlotte?
That's an excellent question and one that someone else answered in an in-depth and thoughtful manner. If you are, like me, inexplicably a Bobcats fan, then Queen City Hoops is easily the most important Bobcats blog to read. When it comes to team blogs, Charlotte has lucked out in getting a blogger who has the time and patience for in-depth statistical analysis that has few other peers, especially focused on one team. Brett does a great job at breaking down all the details. Read his analysis here.
Here it should be mentioned that perhaps my favorite basketball player is Allen Iverson. There are a lot of reasons to not like Allen Iverson and, in fact, a lot of people don't. The orthodox fan who decries any change from the way basketball was under the Honorable Coach John Wooden hate him for his flash and his swagger which they think undermines the team concept. He famously doesn't care about practice, and, all things considered, undermines all of the Grand Traditions of Basketball. Stats guys hate him for his inefficiency and believe his reputation is inflated. There are other criticisms that you'll find pretty easily by Googling his name and a lot of them are really ugly. Some of them are outright racist and others idiosyncratic and pedantic, and some brave few combine all these complaints. His personal history of controversy and trouble make him an easy target, and admittedly, he is no angel.
That said, I really like Allen Iverson. Here's why: Allen Iverson shouldn't be one of the greatest basketball players ever. He is short and not a very good shot. He's a ball hog and takes excessive risks on defense. He's also absolutely electrifying to watch. Allen Iverson's game is based on sheer willpower and determination. The ball goes in because he wants it to go in more than anything in the world. He has few talents except for lightning speed, ridiculous reflexes, and just total gritty toughness. His drives are all improvisational rolls of the dice, the most desperate moves of another players repertoire. For Iverson, it's his go to move. To say he plays hard is an understatement: the man martyrs himself on the court every night in whats usually a vain effort (Remember, he's spent most of his career being the only good player on his team). He plays hard and he gets hurt and then he plays through the injury. He is one of the top five all-time leading scorers in the NBA, at several points in his career only bested by Wilt and Michael. He is, right now, the best player six feet tall or shorter to ever play.
AI has never been the hero in the NBA. He's always been, for the most part, cast as a heel, a villain. His past is too checkered and his tendency towards hard honesty gets him in trouble, makes him difficult for mass audiences to love. The man has no talent for managing the media and doesn't even really understand why someone would even bother. In some ways, he is the opposite of Shaq. Shaq is very media savvy and gleefully cultivates his own mythology and his own story which the lazy media gladly seizes as their own. Shaq's talent for the turn of phrase, his charisma, and his ability to know just what to say, so as to be seen as funny and affable, make him, if not universally beloved, at least widely liked. This is, however, a fairly deliberate and trained talent. AI doesn't have it. He can barely dissimulate, can't hide his emotions from the press, can't put a good face on things if they are bad. He doesn't care if you are charmed by him or like him. It just doesn't register.
Ignore his legendary, Hall of Fame ability, for a second: AI is potentially the grittiest, toughest, most willful, determined, and sincere player in the game right now. He always plays his hardest and he says what he means. This is a clip of him talking about his scholarship program this past week. The Answer doesn't necessarily have answers of his own, answers for himself, but that doesn't mean the Question is less meaningful and important.
I know I got gushy, and I know that really, AI may in fact just be so good at PR manipulation that he has willfully chosen and shaped this media perception of himself to attract suckers like me. It's possible. Do you think it's likely?
BONUS: Someone remixed the famous AI practice press-conference. Enjoy.
The known weakness of Charlotte is simple: they can't score. The prescription seems simple: add one electrifying shooting guard and stir. There are a couple of potential problems. Charlotte is cheap. The front office is dumb. Lots of players don't want to play in Charlotte. Famously, Charlotte drafted Kobe, but he was so adamant about not playing in North Carolina he forced a trade to the Lakers. I like to imagine that the animosity of Charlotte's basketball directed at Kobe Bryant is the driving force behind the inexplicable recent dominance of the Bobcats against the Lakers.
Vince Carter, for example, would have been the ideal fit for Charlotte. An impossibly explosive scorer at shooting guard, a steady veteran presence, and, as an alumnus of the University of North Carolina, precisely the kind of guy who might be delighted to play for Michael Jordan and Larry Brown. Vince Carter isn't available. Allen Iverson is. Over the course of his career, there is no one in the league who puts up more points per game than AI except for Goddamn Lebron James Himself. But is he a good fit for Charlotte?
That's an excellent question and one that someone else answered in an in-depth and thoughtful manner. If you are, like me, inexplicably a Bobcats fan, then Queen City Hoops is easily the most important Bobcats blog to read. When it comes to team blogs, Charlotte has lucked out in getting a blogger who has the time and patience for in-depth statistical analysis that has few other peers, especially focused on one team. Brett does a great job at breaking down all the details. Read his analysis here.
Here it should be mentioned that perhaps my favorite basketball player is Allen Iverson. There are a lot of reasons to not like Allen Iverson and, in fact, a lot of people don't. The orthodox fan who decries any change from the way basketball was under the Honorable Coach John Wooden hate him for his flash and his swagger which they think undermines the team concept. He famously doesn't care about practice, and, all things considered, undermines all of the Grand Traditions of Basketball. Stats guys hate him for his inefficiency and believe his reputation is inflated. There are other criticisms that you'll find pretty easily by Googling his name and a lot of them are really ugly. Some of them are outright racist and others idiosyncratic and pedantic, and some brave few combine all these complaints. His personal history of controversy and trouble make him an easy target, and admittedly, he is no angel.
That said, I really like Allen Iverson. Here's why: Allen Iverson shouldn't be one of the greatest basketball players ever. He is short and not a very good shot. He's a ball hog and takes excessive risks on defense. He's also absolutely electrifying to watch. Allen Iverson's game is based on sheer willpower and determination. The ball goes in because he wants it to go in more than anything in the world. He has few talents except for lightning speed, ridiculous reflexes, and just total gritty toughness. His drives are all improvisational rolls of the dice, the most desperate moves of another players repertoire. For Iverson, it's his go to move. To say he plays hard is an understatement: the man martyrs himself on the court every night in whats usually a vain effort (Remember, he's spent most of his career being the only good player on his team). He plays hard and he gets hurt and then he plays through the injury. He is one of the top five all-time leading scorers in the NBA, at several points in his career only bested by Wilt and Michael. He is, right now, the best player six feet tall or shorter to ever play.
AI has never been the hero in the NBA. He's always been, for the most part, cast as a heel, a villain. His past is too checkered and his tendency towards hard honesty gets him in trouble, makes him difficult for mass audiences to love. The man has no talent for managing the media and doesn't even really understand why someone would even bother. In some ways, he is the opposite of Shaq. Shaq is very media savvy and gleefully cultivates his own mythology and his own story which the lazy media gladly seizes as their own. Shaq's talent for the turn of phrase, his charisma, and his ability to know just what to say, so as to be seen as funny and affable, make him, if not universally beloved, at least widely liked. This is, however, a fairly deliberate and trained talent. AI doesn't have it. He can barely dissimulate, can't hide his emotions from the press, can't put a good face on things if they are bad. He doesn't care if you are charmed by him or like him. It just doesn't register.
Ignore his legendary, Hall of Fame ability, for a second: AI is potentially the grittiest, toughest, most willful, determined, and sincere player in the game right now. He always plays his hardest and he says what he means. This is a clip of him talking about his scholarship program this past week. The Answer doesn't necessarily have answers of his own, answers for himself, but that doesn't mean the Question is less meaningful and important.
I know I got gushy, and I know that really, AI may in fact just be so good at PR manipulation that he has willfully chosen and shaped this media perception of himself to attract suckers like me. It's possible. Do you think it's likely?
BONUS: Someone remixed the famous AI practice press-conference. Enjoy.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tuesday Odds and Ends
The Peculiar Twittering of A.D. Vassallo
When I was creeping around Twitter, I came across some bizarre messages from A.D. Vassallo, former Virginia Tech stand-out and NBA non-draftee. His Twitter was covered in what I think were a little over a hundred different Tweets to various NBA players, siblings of various NBA players, coaches, and owners asking for help since he went undrafted. He was desperately trying to get in touch with anyone who could help him figure out what to do and was shamelessly begging for advice from anyone with any connection to the NBA. He also talked a lot of trash about how he could take Tyler Hansbrough or anyone else from the ACC. It was the most amazingly candid and desperate thing I've seen in sometime. That was yesterday. I check back today and there were only five total Tweets on his page. The one on top announces that he's playing summer league for the Bulls. All the other Tweets appear to have been deleted. Weird. Anyway, for all you A.D. Vassallo fans, here is the new desperation-free Twitter page
Speaking of Which...
Tyler Hansbrough debuted in the NBA or at least in summer league with a pretty decent first game yesterday. Today's game was even better, apparently.Long story short on the Hansbrough front: he's doing the things that made him successful in college plus shooting the three and for some reason people seem surprised. You can keep up with the Orlando summer league here and even stream the games live to show what a stupidly hardcore NBA fan you are.
TRUTH: This blog was almost named "The Sorrows of Young Hansbrough."
Department of Nicknames
Here is a completely awesome list of Chinese nicknames for NBA players compiled on the official NBA page back in 2007. This deserves greater comment, but for now, let's let the thing speak for itself. Also, here is a pretty great list of nicknames for each and every player selected in the 2009 draft. Actually, it bears mentioning that this is a pretty great and hilarious blog. Here is some of the Blowtorch's coverage of Tyler Hansbrough.
Things FreeDarko Addressed Better Than Me
Recently I have tried to address a number of topics and, generally speaking, I think I had something new to add to the conversation, even if I was taking the discussion into a different, and, admittedly stupider direction. What's worse is when freedarko keeps fucking doing you one better, including kicking your ass from the archives. That's the worst. So, without further adieu, I display my inferiority complex and point you to some fine-n-trenchant writing from FD on topics that I've recently written about.
On Rasheed (cf. Durrr, Why Everyone Call Sheed Mercurial?)
On Ron Artest (cf. No Seriously, What's With This Mercurial Thing?)
On Kobe's Sociopathy (cf. The Internet Thinks Kobe Could Kill You and Feel Nothing)
That said, I don't think the things I said are wrong, just more tangential and less interesting than what them FD boys bring to the table.
When I was creeping around Twitter, I came across some bizarre messages from A.D. Vassallo, former Virginia Tech stand-out and NBA non-draftee. His Twitter was covered in what I think were a little over a hundred different Tweets to various NBA players, siblings of various NBA players, coaches, and owners asking for help since he went undrafted. He was desperately trying to get in touch with anyone who could help him figure out what to do and was shamelessly begging for advice from anyone with any connection to the NBA. He also talked a lot of trash about how he could take Tyler Hansbrough or anyone else from the ACC. It was the most amazingly candid and desperate thing I've seen in sometime. That was yesterday. I check back today and there were only five total Tweets on his page. The one on top announces that he's playing summer league for the Bulls. All the other Tweets appear to have been deleted. Weird. Anyway, for all you A.D. Vassallo fans, here is the new desperation-free Twitter page
Speaking of Which...
Tyler Hansbrough debuted in the NBA or at least in summer league with a pretty decent first game yesterday. Today's game was even better, apparently.Long story short on the Hansbrough front: he's doing the things that made him successful in college plus shooting the three and for some reason people seem surprised. You can keep up with the Orlando summer league here and even stream the games live to show what a stupidly hardcore NBA fan you are.
TRUTH: This blog was almost named "The Sorrows of Young Hansbrough."
Department of Nicknames
Here is a completely awesome list of Chinese nicknames for NBA players compiled on the official NBA page back in 2007. This deserves greater comment, but for now, let's let the thing speak for itself. Also, here is a pretty great list of nicknames for each and every player selected in the 2009 draft. Actually, it bears mentioning that this is a pretty great and hilarious blog. Here is some of the Blowtorch's coverage of Tyler Hansbrough.
Things FreeDarko Addressed Better Than Me
Recently I have tried to address a number of topics and, generally speaking, I think I had something new to add to the conversation, even if I was taking the discussion into a different, and, admittedly stupider direction. What's worse is when freedarko keeps fucking doing you one better, including kicking your ass from the archives. That's the worst. So, without further adieu, I display my inferiority complex and point you to some fine-n-trenchant writing from FD on topics that I've recently written about.
On Rasheed (cf. Durrr, Why Everyone Call Sheed Mercurial?)
On Ron Artest (cf. No Seriously, What's With This Mercurial Thing?)
On Kobe's Sociopathy (cf. The Internet Thinks Kobe Could Kill You and Feel Nothing)
That said, I don't think the things I said are wrong, just more tangential and less interesting than what them FD boys bring to the table.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Ron Artest to Lakers and the Kobe Test
Well, my dreams of a super-posse to oppose the unstoppable Kobe Bryant that included mercurial forward Ron Artest have come to a swift end. Ron Artest has joined Kobe and the rest of the Los Angeles Lakers. So what's the story now?
The story is now of two enemies, two rivals, two bitterly competitive and ruthless men joining forces to squash all competition. This is a more familiar super hero concept and is the plot of numerous comic book arcs. The other option was too interesting to be true. This is the way of the universe.
Now, Kobe and Ron Artest probably deserve each other as they are two of the only players in the NBA who can pass my newly invented Kobe Test. Using my highly scientific and revolutionary method of counting how many hits you get when you Google particular phrases, we can reach some pretty interesting conclusions. The Kobe Test is simple: Google the phrase "[player] is a sociopath". If you get any hits, then that player has passed the Kobe Test! In my brief, preliminary experiments, Kobe Bryant and Ron Artest are the ONLY players I could find that pass this test.
So there you go, the Lakers now have on their roster the two players that the Internet feels are most likely to be deeply and profoundly, mentally disturbed. Thanks for the insight, Internet!
UPDATE: Stephon Marbury passes the Kobe Test, albeit with a single hit. Hey, Lakers, he's available! Let me know who else passes.
The story is now of two enemies, two rivals, two bitterly competitive and ruthless men joining forces to squash all competition. This is a more familiar super hero concept and is the plot of numerous comic book arcs. The other option was too interesting to be true. This is the way of the universe.
Now, Kobe and Ron Artest probably deserve each other as they are two of the only players in the NBA who can pass my newly invented Kobe Test. Using my highly scientific and revolutionary method of counting how many hits you get when you Google particular phrases, we can reach some pretty interesting conclusions. The Kobe Test is simple: Google the phrase "[player] is a sociopath". If you get any hits, then that player has passed the Kobe Test! In my brief, preliminary experiments, Kobe Bryant and Ron Artest are the ONLY players I could find that pass this test.
So there you go, the Lakers now have on their roster the two players that the Internet feels are most likely to be deeply and profoundly, mentally disturbed. Thanks for the insight, Internet!
UPDATE: Stephon Marbury passes the Kobe Test, albeit with a single hit. Hey, Lakers, he's available! Let me know who else passes.
The Anti-Kobe Society
The rumor that the Cleavland Cavaliers are making a bid for Ron Artest is a juicy one. First, from the basic, boring point of view where Lebron needs a better supporting cast, and surprisingly, he might be better off playing the power forward position than the small forward position, this is an intriguingly clever move.
The more exciting part about the trade is that it seems, along with the Shaq acquisition, designed to turn the Cleavland Cavaliers into a team designed for one very specific purpose: taking down Kobe. This is totally a comic book scenario. Artest, Shaq, and Lebron all have personal rivalries with Kobe. To put them together on one team with the expressed purpose of trying to take what belongs to Kobe (the championship)... well that's just too juicy. Kobe vs. Lebron spawned a whole series of ubiquitous commercials featuring puppets that talked and vitamins that were got. Shaq vs. Kobe has it's own Wikipedia page. This is seismic already. The playoffs are about as far away as they can be and I'm already tired about hearing about these two showdowns. But then you add in Ron Artest and Kobe's complicated relationship and the Kobe vs. Cavaliers rivalry will have reached operatic heights. I mean, really, do the Cavs have "bitter rivalry with Kobe Bryant" as one of their job qualifications? Will there be anyone left in the NBA with a bitter rivalry with Kobe who isn't on the Cavs?
What is the precise comic book analog for this? I know of lots of scenarios where the bad guys team up to fight the single good guy, but it seems rarer for three good guys to team up to fight a single evil (let's face it, when it comes to mythic storytelling, there is no way that Kobe is the good guy). This is such an over-the-top storyline for next season that I can't help but love it in all of it's glorious absurdity. If anyone can tell me what comic book they are ripping off for this storyline I'd be eternally grateful (Tangent: What super hero is Lebron?).
The more exciting part about the trade is that it seems, along with the Shaq acquisition, designed to turn the Cleavland Cavaliers into a team designed for one very specific purpose: taking down Kobe. This is totally a comic book scenario. Artest, Shaq, and Lebron all have personal rivalries with Kobe. To put them together on one team with the expressed purpose of trying to take what belongs to Kobe (the championship)... well that's just too juicy. Kobe vs. Lebron spawned a whole series of ubiquitous commercials featuring puppets that talked and vitamins that were got. Shaq vs. Kobe has it's own Wikipedia page. This is seismic already. The playoffs are about as far away as they can be and I'm already tired about hearing about these two showdowns. But then you add in Ron Artest and Kobe's complicated relationship and the Kobe vs. Cavaliers rivalry will have reached operatic heights. I mean, really, do the Cavs have "bitter rivalry with Kobe Bryant" as one of their job qualifications? Will there be anyone left in the NBA with a bitter rivalry with Kobe who isn't on the Cavs?
What is the precise comic book analog for this? I know of lots of scenarios where the bad guys team up to fight the single good guy, but it seems rarer for three good guys to team up to fight a single evil (let's face it, when it comes to mythic storytelling, there is no way that Kobe is the good guy). This is such an over-the-top storyline for next season that I can't help but love it in all of it's glorious absurdity. If anyone can tell me what comic book they are ripping off for this storyline I'd be eternally grateful (Tangent: What super hero is Lebron?).
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