Thursday, June 25, 2009

My Mock Draft 2009, Part III

This is part III. For maximum enjoyment, you should start with part I then proceed to part II before reading this. Happy Draft, everyone!

21. Hornets
New Orleans is rumored to be looking for a three point assassin and a credible shooter to help extend defenses. The Hornets have worked out John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, and Ramon Mercador and have been fairly impressed with the drive and determination of these men. The most compelling prospect for the Hornets' needs, however, might come from overseas. From Serbia, Gavrilo Princip seems to offer a promising combination of shooting and showmanship that drew a lot of attention in Europe. Look for the savvy Hornets to use their pick on him if he's still available.

22. Mavericks
After John McCain failed the physical exam, what was going to be a relative no-brainer of a pick turned more difficult. Fortunately, Mark Cuban himself found a player he particularly like and admired while watching a late night movie on basic cable: the character Bret Maverick (as played by Mel Gibson), from the 1994 film "Maverick," a remake of 1950's television series. The fact that Benjamin Martin of the film "The Patriot" has already been drafted by the NFL's New England Patriots introduces a potential wrinkle as both are played by Mel Gibson. I'm confident however that Maverick's easy charm and clever card sharp ways will help him figure out a way to wrangle himself out of this jam.

23. Kings
The Kings have a chance to draft a former number one ranked high school player turned genuine sleeper with All-Star potential written all over him. Though he caused a big sensation in high school, he doesn't seem to have been heavily scouted since then and his NBA rights are available to whatever team is daring enough to make the pick. No easy answers to why he seems to be off the NBA's map, but perhaps the backlash against a once much-hyped player gone too far? Watch the highlight reel and I think you'll agree.

I think Teen Wolf would be a talented and immediate contributor for Sacremento.

24. Trailblazers
In a few much publicized interviews, the front office, players and coaches of the Trailblazers have all expressed a desire to draft a player with a heaping helping of that great intangible, "toughness." To this end, the Trailblazers should seek to draft some of the toughest known-quantities available. Specifically, they should look to draft a star of one of the cable survival shows. While Survivorman is arguably smarter, Bear Grylls's military training and relative youth offers a combined package of discipline and athleticism to complement his legendary toughness. At this point I would like to mention that Bear Grylls drank his own urine once as well as squeezing water out of elephant shit to prevent dehydration. Dude would practically die before surrendering a lay up or a loose ball.

25. Thunder
Oklahoma City has a talented young core with Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, and Russell Westbrook. All they need is time and a few more skilled role players. The Thunder's front office should see this golden moment and stay aggressive with their drafting and not be afraid to take a few risks.


26. Bulls
The Bulls are still in rebuilding mode, though since drafting Derrick Rose, the team finally has a piece worth building around. Chicago's front office should be on the lookout for dynamic players who will compliment the play of Rose and be able to play a supporting role without their ego getting in the way. I think Chicago should draft Scottie Pippen.

27. Grizzlies
Memphis, looking for a way to draw a crowd, should consider drafting one or more of the Nerdlucks from the movie "Space Jam." Though on their own, the Nerdlucks are not skilled basketball players, their ability to steal the talent of other players and transform into Monstars make them a great asset on the court and at the ticket office. The possibility that either the Looney Tunes characters or Michael Jordan will intervene to come play special games against a Monstar-laden Grizzlies team should only increase their appeal to the front office. In particular, Pound and Bang seem like top prospects.

28. Timberwolves
This is Minnesota's third pick in the first round of this notably weak draft. The pickings should be fairly slim by this point, but Minnesota should just try to get the best possible value out of this pick. Whether it's a hare, mice, or even carrion, the Timberwolves should be able to find some satisfying morsel to fulfill their ravenous and all-consuming hunger.

29. Lakers
Since Phil Jackson has now won ten championship rings he's unlocked the ability to play through the entire regular season using any of the available alternate costumes and uniforms. Winning ten rings also activates the Cheat Code entry form, accessible from the main menu. Entering "wiltabduljordan" activates God mode, while "onemoretime" automatically skips directly to the NBA Finals. So I don't know, maybe he should just draft an old friends cousin or something as a favor since it doesn't really matter anymore. Maybe Jack Nicholson would be nice.

30. Cavaliers
Danny Green makes so much sense if they can address their front court needs through trades and free agency. Think about it. No, no. Just think about it.


  1. i'd like to see some hater just try to keep that dog off the court
    clearly, Thunder is the team to watch.

  2. It's too bad all reports indicate that Buddy is being heavily scouted by the NFL too.