Thursday, January 21, 2010

A Dream About Tyler Hansbrough, Troy Murphy, and Venereal Disease

Okay, so here's the deal. I'm a little bummed about Carolina's losing skid and I owe you some thinking about What Carolina Can Do To Turn It Around. Is the loss to Wake Forest a refutation of the UNC Should Shoot More Threes Doctrine? Or is it a simple confirmation of the Will Graves Theory? A little of both? I need time to sulk and think about it, but I'll get back to you.

In the meantime, I'd like to return to an old favorite feature of mine: Dreams. In between the wide array of dreams from girls imagining being Tyler Hansbrough's girlfriend, Special Dream Correspondent Thomas weighed in with an account of Dwyane Wade's human sacrifice habit and playing in a band with Tyler Hansbrough. Well, Thomas is back with a dream he had last fall about the Pacer's frontcourt. Yes, really, and no, there isn't anything about Roy Hibbert, you weirdos. Here it is:

So, I met Tyler Hansbrough at an event, mentioning that I went to UNC and that Troy Murphy was my favorite player. Tyler gives me Troy's phone number, so I call him up, on speaker phone with Tyler listening, and ask him why he's been out for the past nine games with a back injury. Troy tells me that the back injury is a cover, that he really has an advanced case of syphilis from sleeping with so many beautiful women. He can't play basketball because his wang hurts so bad. So I hang up, and Tyler looked at me and says "Gross, huh?" Then we part ways.

Disgusting, Thomas: Troy Murphy should be no one's favorite player. Believe it or not, this same man has written a very nice guest post that will be up shortly about John Milton and Lebron James. I'm not making this up. Want to get in on the dream-sharing? Have a nice guest-post about Chaucer and Kobe? Send me an email:

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