Saturday, October 16, 2010

2010 Season Preview: Cleveland Cavaliers

It's time for the Love in the Time of LeBron 2010 Season Team Previews. You know how we do. Next up, the sadtown sadsters, the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Greek Tragedy

Why We Care
We might not like staring at the aftermath of a particularly gruesome car wreck, but we all do.

Significant Beards
Daniel Gibson: Cradles his chin like a cup. Minimal support.
Joey Graham: Scraggly, craggy beard. Keep far away.
Danny Green: Narrow and strangely curved, like he has a second smile. That means we’re averaging one each.
Ryan Hollins: Missed a spot while shaving. Repeatedly.
Jamario Moon: Waxing under-chin crescent. Heavy cloud cover with limited visibility.
Leon Powell: Shadow Beard plus triangle soul patch. 1-up.
Ramon Sessions: Square-outline beard. Either his chin is a box or he’s created a cunning illusion. Well-framed.
Anderson Varejao: Beardless and suffering. In need of a beard transplant. His scalp can be the donor.
Jawad Williams: Like he used to have a box-top but it fell off his head and onto his chin.

Guiding Text

If They Were A Piece of Living Room Furniture They Would Be...
An ottoman.

LeBron on the Cavaliers
Another year. They would be better, they had to be better, they were always getting better. He was getting better. He would stand tall, as he always had, and this would be the year. He trembled. How many times had he said that? How many times had he heard it? When would it be true? These things take time. These things take time. It took Jordan seven years, why should it take LeBron James any less? He stayed and that’s what mattered. Loyalty? Loyalty.

His hands shook. He would win, eventually. It was inevitable. He was Chosen. That was the point. This was all according to plan. The team would get better, he would get better, and they would win. Manifest destiny. They would trade up, they would improve, someone else would break out. It would happen, it has to happen. It was written and so it shall it come to pass. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

Rosetta Stone
This pretty much explains it.

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