2010 Season Preview: Dallas Mavericks

It's time for the Love in the Time of LeBron 2010 Season Team Previews. You know how we do. Next up, the perennial also-rans, the Dallas Mavericks.

Classification
Desperate Men Standing Against Time

Why We Care
The Mavericks have mattered all decade because of Dirk Nowitzki and the deep pockets of owner Mark Cuban. Dirk is getting older and the decline may have already begun. Mark Cuban is getting desperate. How many moves have the Mavericks made since this time last year? Many, and not insignificant ones. Desperation and a sense of urgency should drive this team to go all out this year, making big moves when needed, playing hard, and likely surprising people with their hunger. A bear backed into a corner is the most aggressive.

Significant Beards
José Juan Barea: Barely there. Insufficient data for scoring.
Tyson Chandler: Full yet flat. Scares off most predators.
Dominique Jones: Unnecessary under-chin face-trim. An MFA grad’s first novel.
Shawn Marion: A light patch framing the protruding rectangle that is his jaw. Subtle but disturbing.
Dirk Nowitzki: Like his skin has tufts. Creepy, and a near-crime. Written citation.
DeShawn Stevenson: Rugged, barely tamed. 4/5 hatchets.
Jason Terry: Odd and patchy fuzz. Either incapable of growing a full beard or so virile that he can’t stay clean-shaven for the length of a photoshoot. Inconclusive.

Guiding Text
Against Nature

If They Were A Vacuum Cleaner They Would Be...
A Dyson.

LeBron on the Mavericks
The man wouldn’t stop yelling. He was probably in his mid-twenties, obviously quite drunk and enjoying himself far too much. Some of LeBron’s entourage gave him questioning looks, but LeBron ignored them. If the man wanted to yell he could yell. It was warm, full blown Indian summer and lots of people wandered around the outdoor shopping center. Fake rocks played radio hits and families paid too much for ice cream and movies. The line at the Cheesecake Factory was interminable. Not that LeBron wanted in lines at the Cheesecake Factory. The man kept yelling. All the hits. Coward. Traitor. Loser.

The man was white, but they were in a suburban Dallas shopping center. This was not surprising. Men who yelled at him in suburban shopping centers were always white. LeBron turned and looked at him. He was a good thirty-forty feet away. He was keeping his distance. He was wearing a Cavaliers hat. Which was fine. Sometimes they wore Lakers hats and the things they yelled were meaner, but easier to ignore. He kept walking, didn’t make eye contact with the man, but he listened.

Rosetta Stone
This pretty much explains it.