Stephon Marbury Wants to Talk to You (No, Really)

I keep holding off on writing my great big Stephon Marbury melts down live in front of everyone entry because the story keeps evolving. About an hour ago, Starbury took it to the next level by posting his cell phone number on Twitter and yes, really answering people's calls. He now joins Mike Jones in the illustrious category of celebrities who's cell phone numbers I have in my phone. I haven't gotten through yet, but maybe you can get a hold of him. Heres the message he posted on his Twitter:

A lot of people where asking for a hot line number. Well here it is. Call me anytime. Love is love. I love you more then you know 9179237775

Let me know if you get through, and for reference, here is my Twitter. Below I will post updates and reference links to those looking for all things Starbury Meltdown.

Starbury Meltdown Roundup
This all started with the 24-hour, live streaming Marburython, so first thing's first: Here is his channel with some delightful archived clips.

Here is the account of the events by the paper of record, and thus, how the event will be remembered by history. Here is another newspaper account.

Here are a couple Internet people trying to make sense of what exactly it was that they saw. Here are some brief bewildered accounts at Fanhouse and Bleacher Report.

Here are two sweet transcripts/live-blogged accounts of what exactly went down at the Marburython. Here is a nice one from NBA Musings and a really thorough account by the good folks at Inside Hoops.

So the Marburython ended, but then a funny thing happened. Stephon Marbury just kept streaming. As I'm writing this, he is streaming here.

Some people took a thoughtful approach, notably, Bethlehem Shoals and Joey from Straight Banging on Free Darko in the context of larger issues. Ziller had at least one nice piece on Fanhouse. Although, as I mentioned, the best thing I've read happens to have been written before the Marburython ever happened.

The folks at ESPN took a tragic, finger-waving angle on the matter. J. A. Adande gets sanctimonious, though I'm sure he means well. Scoop Jackson takes a pretty direct approach in his column called "Someone save Stephon Marbury," ending, honest-to-God with the line: "Now, I'm concerned."

The fans in the chatrooms and on Twitter seem much less concerned with his career and seem honestly, earnestly, delighted that he is reaching out to to be our very own Most Valuable Person. Steph might be destroying his career, and the fickle fans might soon turn on him, but right now Starbury is a folk hero and absolutely the man of the people.

More updates in this space as I learn more.

Tuesday Odds and Ends: Okafor Edition

Emeka Okafor for Tyson Chandler
Be careful what you wish for. Yesterday, bewildered by the Charlotte Bobcat's lack of moves, I laid out a series of suggestions. Notably I said: "Try to trade for a unicorn. It makes about as much sense as anything else right now." Apparently the Bobcats took my advice to heart, though apparently couldn't find a unicorn to trade for. So, logically, they decided to trade Emeka Okafor for Tyson Chandler.

I'll be blunt: I ain't crazy about the trade. I'll link to the different writers/blogs breaking down the trade, but let me give you my take first. Emeka Okafor's reliable and consistent performance in terms of scoring and rebounding were a real asset to the team. By almost all statistical measures, Tyson Chandler is a worse basketball player who is paid more than Okafor and is more prone to injury. That said, some of the defensive statistics (links below) point out that Chandler is a great defensive center. Caveat: Charlotte Bobcats are already a great defensive team that has trouble scoring and this move seems to exacerbate this issue. Finally, Emeka Okafor had a ridiculously long contract that was considered somewhat immovable. Chandler has a shorter contract that will expire sooner and will be easier to trade. So, long story short: Probably not a great move, but there are potential upsides. For some more fine-grained analysis (including all the stats breakdowns you could ever want) here's what other people are saying:

Queen City Hoops
Bobcats Planet
Bobcats Baseline
Hornets247
John Hollinger

Again, generally impressed by the speed of the analysis by the NBA blogging community, particularly the Charlotte folks. Speaking of which...

Shaq Does Wrestling and Cavs the Blog
For a great instant response to Shaq's appearance Monday Night Raw, I refer you John Krolik's Cavs the Blog which breaks the matter down as well as I think anyone can. The article is here. Now is a good time to point out that this is a great blog that all NBA fans should be reading. Smart, funny stuff. I'm recently pretty fond of a piece he wrote that has a nice little riff on GM psychology. Anyway, as Shaq is one of my favorite topics on this blog, and Shaq is now on the Cavs, expect more talking about and linking to Cavs the Blog.

Odds and Ends: EVEN QUICKER
1. Does being Wu-Tang even mean anything anymore? I was able to overlook Method Man's acting career and all the merchandising, but RZA's turn as Seth Rogen's coworker in Funny People is really killing the mystique for me. Maybe more on this later if I don't get Shaqed out.

2. The Blowtorch says everything that needs to be said about Andre Miller.

3.Hey ya'll get that I like Free Darko right? Good stuff lately on other Love in the Time of Lebron icon, Allen Iverson and issues of authenticity. Also, this weekend there was a nice wide-ranging article about Allen Iverson and the Marburython amongst other things.

4. Finally, it bears mentioning that this Monday morning I was expecting to see some big ol write-ups and highlights of the Marburython, but no one has done a full and thorough job yet. I am eagerly awaiting someone to compile all the highlights and to interview some psychologists to let us know what the Hell is going on. The whole thing smacks of tragedy and probably imperils the chances that teams will want to sign Marbury, but I find myself liking the guy more and more. I'm still trying to navigate the territory of whether this makes me a sicko using a genuinely mentally ill person for my own personal entertainment or an eager spectator watching a mildly unhinged weirdo hamming it up in front of a camera. As smarter people than me have noted, the Free Darko post about Marbury and Tracy Morgan/Jordan is seeming more and more prescient and is, right now, still the best thing written about the Marburython despite not actually being about it.

5. That last one wasn't so quick. Whatever.

Suggestions for the Charlotte Bobcats

There are a surprisingly large number of things that I could be blogging about right now, notably linking to a number of great articles written elsewhere about things I've been talking about lately. Finally, there is a great big post about Stephon Marbury's live streaming wonderland of awesomeness that happened this weekend that has yet to be written by me. Don't you worry though, I'm sure that come Monday morning there will be thousands of takes by all your favorite writers/bloggers about the genius/madness of the streamathon. For now, I leave you only one quotation "I don't want to be anyone's favorite player. I want to be their favorite person."

But, now the topic at hand: the Charlotte Bobcats. Due to geography, His Airness, and my perverse respect for this weirdo, gritty team, I feel some loyalty to the 'Cats which means that they are going to get a little bit extra attention. I feel loyalty to this ridiculous team and share the concern of other fans and bloggers: Are the Bobcats going to do anything this off-season?

Here's the situation in brief for those unfamiliar with the Bobcats: The Bobcats are marginal playoff team in the East that really started clicking in the last half of the season after a series of trades brought in some distinguished role players who really nicely complemented the Bobcats' core. However, as it stands, the Bobcats right now are an elite defensive team stocked with skilled, though not electrifying role players. They don't have a top scorer, much depth, or even really a star. Clearly, this is a team that could benefit from signing a free agent or three or making some trades. Yet, the Bobcats do nothing. Why? No one knows. Maybe it's because they don't know what to do. So, with that in mind, I've prepared a list of off-season moves that might potentially help the Bobcats.

1. Re-sign Ray Felton. Currently, the Bobcats starting point guard from last year hasn't re-upped in Charlotte. This is stupid. Felton is a skilled and competent NBA point guard who isn't in much demand anywhere else. Stop dicking around and do the right thing, folks. Or get Ramon Sessions. Whatever.

2. Get Gerald Wallace to work in a laboratory. Gerald Wallace is the most likely of the Bobcats to have a break-out, supernova year where he evolves into the scoring star that the Bobcats need. However, at this point, "most likely" is still "not that likely." He needs a catalyst. A basic survey of comic books seems to indicate that working in a laboratory would greatly increase his chance to develop or refine the powers needed for a break-through year. Laboratories have all sorts of hazards that could potentially increase Gerald Wallace's powers, namely high levels of radiation. Whether we are talking gamma rays ala the Hulk, radioactive spiders ala Spiderman, or the intrinsic field generator ala Dr. Manhattan, the bizarre energy in laboratories is a good bet for catalyzing a transformation into an All-Star performer. Likewise, the dangerous chemicals that are to be found in every single laboratory have a fairly decent chance of enacting a Swamp Thing or the Flash type situation.

3. Sign or trade for some quality depth in the front court. We are mighty thin up there after the so sad departure of Sean May, Cartier Martin, and probably Juwan Howard and the general worthlessness of Nazr Mohammed, DeSagana Diop, and Vladimir Radmanovic. Diop and Radmanovic aren't very good players, but maybe some cracked out stats guy who forgot to carry the one when he was doing his calculations will convince his GM to make a stupid deal for them. This is the best we can hope for, because somehow Charlotte has managed to acquire a far too significant chunk of overpaid backup centers and forwards in the league. These are the guys who are killing Charlotte's salary cap. Seriously, players who are just as good as these players can and should be grabbed for minimum contracts. No matter what, we need to get these guys out of here. Which brings us to the next suggestion:

4. Hire Indonesian pirates to kidnap and ransom Radmanovic, Diop, and Mohammed. Upon their rescue, bribe them to tell their psychiatrist that the flashbacks from the pirate attack are so severe they can't play anymore. Hopefully, this will get them out of their contracts. If that doesn't work, the three should take turns shooting each others toes off with a sawed off shotgun so they won't be able to pass the NBA physical.

5. Sign the perfect fit scoring guard free-agent who has not missed an All-Star Game this decade, who is a sure fire Hall of Famer. who adores your head coach, and is willing to sign for so cheap it's ridiculous. Or wait, does that make too much sense?

6. Pay agents to systematically engage in a campaign of terror in the arenas of all the other teams in the NBA. Have them make bomb threats, send fake anthrax, and make fake viral videos and blogs to smear other teams successful players. Try to steal and hijack NBA-licensed merchandise and rob NBA apparel stores. If we sabotage the revenue stream of the entire NBA and will result in a lowered salary cap (since calculated as a percentage of all NBA revenue) which will result in more available free agents for the Bobcats or at least more money from teams above the cap thanks to the NBA luxury tax.

7. Try to trade for a unicorn. It makes about as much sense as anything else right now.

Tyler Hansbrough is Some Cosmic Archetype

Tyler Hansbrough continues to haunt all of our dreams. If you have had a dream about Tyler Hansbrough or any other basketball player, I'd like to hear about them. Email your stories about how you fell in love with a short-armed power-forward-playing manchild to loveinthetimeoflebron@gmail.com.

Special Dream Correspondent Lorelle checks in with the following VISION OF LOVE:

It was a dark and stormy night. Or maybe it was balmy but otherwise pleasant. Anyway, so I'm in Best Buy (first sign that this is not real life) about to check out when I see that Tyler Hansborough is in line in front of me. We strike up a conversation and out of nowhere he takes me on his arm and we perambulate about the store. I spy Eminem flipping through his own stuff in the CD section (tacky) and persuade Tyler to stand next to him for comparison.* Em has no idea what he's doing and we giggle conspiratorily at his expense. Tyler asks if I'd like to go out with him sometime and I agree. The next day he calls and invites me to come hang out with him and the team. When I get there, the team that he is referring to is a bunch of 4th graders he coaches and has taken to the Walmart McDonalds for a post-game celebration. I'm a little pissed because like, srsly Tyler, this is it? But he doesn't seem to notice my disappointment and enthusiastically waves for me to join him at a booth next to the Playspace.** All the little boys are like "ooooooh Tyler has a girlfrieeeeeeeeend" and he blushes and introduces me to the kids, "Hey guys, this is my Lorelle I've been telling you about." It was all very sweet, if simple. JUST LIKE TYLER.

*This is a direct result of my friend accusing me of thinking all white people look alike for comparing the two.
**Inaccurate because I don't think they put playspaces in Walmart Micky-D's.

If there existed a YouTube video of Tyler Hansbrough highlights set to a mash-up of Eminem rapping over "Dreams" by the Cranberries, you can rest assured that I would put it right here. If you find such a thing, send me the link or your dreams to loveinthetimeoflebron@gmail.com

A Tale of Two Lawsons

The last time we checked on Ty Lawson, he was not doing so well. He'd played two games and shot 1 for 15. This was heartbreaking. This past year, Ty Lawson was unquestionably my favorite player in all of college basketball. This year, his insane mutant abilities had finally matured: Sure, he could still teleport at will and, obviously, the addition of his sweet three-point shooting was a big plus, but the big difference was the development of his ability to channel waves of pure chaos and bend them to his will. You see, sometimes Ty would drive down court and attack the basket. Then something strange would happen very fast: people would jump, run to change positions, try to cut Ty off. It was never clear to me without instant reply (In a world without slow-motion replay and Tivo, Ty Lawson would be completely incomprehensible) in what order these events would unfold. I would only see the final stroke: Tyler somehow has the ball and is dunking; Danny grabs the alley-oop and throws it down, Wayne cooly (always "cooly") drains it from the outside; or somehow, someway the ball would float up above the basket and then go through the hoop as Ty crashed into the rows of photographers sitting on the baseline. "And one." The mutant heir of Rod Strickland and Allen Iverson was coming into his birthright.

Ty Lawson's chaotic, improvisational game combined with freak speed, uncanny shot, and a penchant for clever, efficient passes was the most compelling part of the Tar Heels run to the championship in 2009. A ridiculously electrifying player on a stupidly dominant team, I thought he was the best player in college that year and a sure thing for the NBA. When he slipped so far in the draft, I worried. Had the other teams seen seem terrible flaw in his workouts? Was he doomed?

My worst fears were realized with his slow start in the summer league. Who shoots 1 for 15? People who watched those first two games seemed to think he was playing well, defending tough and doing the proverbial "little things." I saw these comments. But, I also saw the box score and I despaired. Ty Lawson almost always looked good on the box score. He is a stat head darling. This past season, by most metrics, particularly the most sophisticated and advanced ones Ty Lawson had one of the most amazing seasons a point guard in college has ever had. On offense he was the most efficient player in a ton of widely respected systems, including Ken Pomeroys. ESPN's John Hollinger gave the mock draft crowd something to talk about when he noted that the best players in the draft in terms of PER were easily Blake Griffin and Ty Lawson. I mention this to emphasize that Ty Lawson almost always looks good in the stats, but in summer league, even on the stat sheets (especially on the stats sheets), he was bombing.

Then something happened. He had a day off before closing out the week with three more games. He apparently spent it well:

"After (Wednesday night's) game where I probably got my shot blocked like eight times I watched the tape last night and I realized what exactly I could do to get my shot off," Lawson explained.

That was it. That was the turning point. It was all over after that. He scored over 20 points in the next three games and kept doing all of the little things. Seriously, he just went nuts. Look at the box score and see how well he played. Check out the video highlights from those games. Couple that with the praise of his tough, pesky defense from the NBA Twitterati and Ty Lawson came out just fine.

Hell, the stats loved him again, even factoring his inauspicious first two games. One guy's keen analysis shows that Ty Lawson's statistically dominant ways carried over to the NBA: In summer league, he was the top rookie point guard in win shares, scoring efficiency, and ball handling. The analysis even goes so far as to pronounce him the cream of the rookie point guard crop. Hell, if you ignore those first two games he had, he's off the charts. He was, in fact, who we thought he was.

Nice story, huh? Well we haven't even focused on the best part yet: Ty Lawson played terribly, spent one day watching some film, and then dominated his next three games. That's a hell of a coaching adjustment. I mean, was it really just an issue of him watching the film and figuring out how to get his shot off better? Because, seriously: From making 1 out of 15 to blowing everyone away in a whirlwind of scoring is a fairly significant change. In the interviews with him after his break out game, he repeats that he's just "adjusting" over and over. Is this what Ty Lawson adjusting looks like? Is he that good at making tweaks to fix his game? Is he that good about being coached? If this is true, then what can we make of his ceiling? The rest of the NBA might need to start getting scared.

Introducing Tyler to Mom

I'm still collecting dreams about basketball players. Send your dreams to loveinthetimeoflebron@gmail.com and we can all be collectively weirded out over your penchant for frosting and Vince Carter. In any case, it's time to share some facts and dreams:

FACT: Dreaming about dating Tyler Hansbrough is really common. Even if you don't follow basketball. Even if you think he is stupid.

Here is a dream about dating Tyler Hansbrough from Special Dream Correspondent Juli:

I have a somewhat recurring dream that Tyler Hansbrough is my college boyfriend. It bears mentioning that I go to the University of North Carolina and have for the past few years, but I don't follow basketball. He is just a giant wandering around the town. A bizarre local attraction who I spot occasionally: more yeti than person. Always blurry, always peripheral, he lumbers into Carrburitos on Cinco de Mayo and buries his melancholy with chilli cheese fries at Joe's Joint late at night while the tourists gawk and take pictures.

In any case, I've had this dream three or four times: In these dreams, he's my boyfriend. He's dumb, but really sweet, which is pretty much how I imagine he actually is. He's also shy and awkward, but I find that goofy and charming. Whenever I bring him home to meet my parents, they are always understandably thrilled. My mother always takes me aside and nudges me, saying "We're so glad you finally brought home a nice young man." My mom doesn't even talk like that. She does really like Tyler Hansbrough and is always excited when I mention seeing him around town. I guess he somehow represents everything my mom would want in a boyfriend of mine. Actually, not so much in a boyfriend of mine, but in the daughter she wished she had.

So there's that.

Anyway, he inevitably breaks up with me when I ask him to go to the Nightlight. I guess it's just not his Scene. And whenever he breaks the news to me, he's always wearing Carolina blue seersucker: the embodiment of pretty much everything I hate. I think I am upset afterwards, but by the time I wake up, I'm sort of relieved. I don't think I could deal with the pressure of being Psycho-T's girlfriend.

Usually, I have it before I have to bring home some guy to meet my mom. I guess these dreams will (sadly) have to stop now that he is a college graduate.

Send your dreams about Tyler Hansbrough or other basketball players to loveinthetimeoflebron@gmail.com

Thursday Odds and Ends

Hypothetical Bobcats and Bobcat Hypotheticals
It's been a quiet season for the Charlotte Bobcats as they have yet to make any move aside from not extending a qualifying offer to Sean May. Charlotte needs scoring, a guy who can take over games, and someone who will help them sell tickets. Yet, all has grown quiet on the AI front, when all I want in my heart of hearts is for The Answer to come to Charlotte. Why is this? Is Charlotte really standing pat? The best answer I have seems to be that Charlotte isn't going to make any moves until they have secured a deal with Ray Felton. Inexplicably, this is, apparently far off, despite Felton wanting to play in Charlotte and Charlotte wanting Felton to play there. FIGURE OUT THE MONEY SO WE CAN GET AI.

That said, maybe Charlotte, like our esteemed friends at Queen City Hoops, has realized what a good team they have on their hands. If you project Charlotte's performance at the end of the season, after all their trades, across the whole season, Charlotte would have been the best defensive team in the league. Nice. They still would be sub par offensively, but there's still time to get a relentlessly amazing future Hall of Fame scoring guard. I mean, if that's what you think would help.

Note: Hypothetical Cats sounds like a super twee indie rock band.

The Answer
Iverson to Miami or Memphis doesn't make any sense to me. Both are totally stupid. Now imagine AI to the Clippers: Baron Davis, Allen Iverson, Blake Griffin, Marcus Camby, Chris Kaman, and Eric Gordon. That's got to be at least thirty wins right? Wrong. They will have fifteen wins or fifty-five. It's so stupid it might work.

Again, Iverson to the Bobcats makes way too much sense to be plausible. The NBA follows the rules of comic book and movie logic. Which is to say that there is a low premium on plausibility and you know, making a damn bit of sense.

Good Job, Chris Bosh
All hail the anointed Twitter Champion, Chris Bosh. Oddly, he doesn't thank me for my endorsement, which I am sure pushed him over the top.

UNC Guys in Summer League
One line summaries for the four 2009 Draft picks:

Tyler Hansbrough was way better than expected and one of the best players in Orlando.

Wayne Ellington and Danny Green have been the leading scorers on their team in at least one game and almost completely disappeared in another.

Ty Lawson has played in two games and made only one of fifteen field goal attempts, but the one that went in was such a sweet dunk that David Thorpe tweeted about it. So, yeah.

Of course, if Vegas Summer League action isn't enough and you want to watch a bizarro summer league where Flip Saunders, Sean May, and my nerdy hero Marvin Williams with the help of about half of UNC's incoming freshmen team square off against other pro's, college players, and a few high schoolers and other assorted weirdos, then allow me to introduce you to the NC Pro-Am Summer League. Billing itself as the Rucker's of the South, you can watch a truly bizarre collection of players from mostly around North Carolina go at it in a gym on the North Carolina Central campus. Seriously.

Mercuriality Update
For the many amongst you who are keeping track of which players are the most mercurial, as I know so many of you are wont to do, allow me to submit another name that should have been obvious: J.R. Smith. Mercuriality of 384. Well-done. That's good for a starting spot at shooting guard on the Love In the Time of Lebron All-Mercurial Team. Again, for those of you who keep track of such things.